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Is it normal to hate a parent, or to be so ashamed of a parent that it borders on hate? I resent my dad for the racist jokes he makes, angry swearing he thinks is okay, the screaming he does at telemarketers, the less-than-appropriate clothes he wears outside the house, and just for being a bad role model. The only thing that he has taught me is to become in life everything that he isn't. I suggest to him that he must change but he says that old men are set in their ways and if I don't like it, I should move out. I hate him for not getting excited by my interests (I want to be an actress and he think that makes me a bad character). But, my mother won't listen to me and says that I should get admitted into a mental hospital for schizophrenia because something is wrong with me if I hate him so much. Am I crazy? More importantly, am I a horrible person? Is it okay to harbor these feelings?
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This is a tough situation to be in, but it is great that you reached out for help with all of this. It doesn't seem fair to you to be carrying around all of this. No, feelings are not right or wrong. It sounds like you do not like what your dad represents as it may be hurtful towards you or others. You do not have to like his behavior. However, it may be wise to be mindful of how you express yourself so that you can be can be heard. In this way, he can understand how it makes you feel. You may not be able to change your dad as he may have his own stereotypes or have had experiences that may have led him to believe in this way. Therefore, he does not believe he is doing anything wrong. It sounds like you have verbalized your concerns to your mother but she may not be supportive because she does not understand how you feel. Let her know that you do not like his words or behaviors that way you can distinguish between the action and the person. Maybe reaching out to other family members or trusted adults would be helpful in getting you some support. Have you thought of counseling? If you go to family counseling together you may be able to verbalize how you feel in where there is someone that can mediate the conversation.
Whether you go with your parents or alone it would really benefit you to seek counseling where you can express your feelings in a supportive environment and gain strategies on how to handle any situations or confrontations at home in a healthier way. You are also welcome to contact 2NDFLOOR (888) 222-2228 24/7 where someone can listen and validate your concerns.
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