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Today wasn't the first time I have caught her. It's been a couple of years since I have know she has had a problem and God knows how long my father has known. It's always the same scenario - I or one of my other brothers find her sneaking around with a beer bottle or something else and this always gets me crying, then I call my dad and he just comes home and yells at her. Or even if we don't catch her, we can see how messed up her eyes are and she will just make the remark "I haven't had anything, I've been home all day." I've tried to tell her to get help but she always says she doesn't have a problem. Today it was different, I woke up to the sound of glass tussling around and looked to see my mom walk off suspiciously with something obviously in her hands. I go and she's hiding a quarter way full of vodka under her dress and I lost it. I tried calling my dad but my mom took my phone and wouldn't give me it back. I don't know why I did this and this makes me the most upset but I told her I would beat her if she didn't give me my phone, she said "go ahead beat me." She sounded life less, we all have tried to knock some sense into her but nothing has ever helped... she just keeps gussling, beer after beer.
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I'm really glad you are reaching out to get some support, since it sounds like you've been in pain for some time now. Living with a loved one experiencing alcoholism can be unbelievably frustrating and hurtful. In managing that frustration, it may be helpful to learn more about alcoholism and the healthy ways that YOU can cope. You can find a great article about learning how to cope with having an alcoholic parent here:
http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/coping-alcoholic.html#
Alcoholism is a disease that tells people with the disease that they don't have a disease at all, which is what makes it so deadly. You are not responsible for your mother's drinking. You did not cause her drinking, and you cannot stop her drinking. Only she can choose to stop. It sounds like you've already expressed to your mother that you care about her very much and would like her to get help. Having no control over your mother's destructive behavior can lead you to feel sad, infuriated, and helpless. That's why it's so important for YOU to get the support that you need. Social support can be especially helpful. It's great that you're already able to talk to your dad about the effect your mother's drinking has on you. Al-Anon and Alateen are support organizations for the loved ones of individuals experiencing alcoholism. Alateen is specifically geared towards young people, so that might be something you'd prefer. Al-anon/Alateen offer social support from other family members/loved ones who are coping with another's alcoholism. It can be really helpful to connect with others who are going through similar situations and not feel so alone. You can also learn about helpful strategies to deal with your own emotions when your mother is drinking. If you'd like to look up meetings for you, your dad, and brothers to go to you can check out: http://www.nj-al-anon.org/. Al-Anon/Alateen also has a 24 hour hotline if you'd like to ask any questions or look up meetings (1-800-344-2666). Besides social support, it can be helpful to speak with a counselor. Although you are not the one with a drinking problem, living with alcoholic parent can naturally lead to a lot of difficult feelings that you deserve support with. Since school should be starting up soon, reaching out to your school counselor might be a good place to start.
It's understandable that you've said something in anger to your mom that you don't feel very proud of. Many people trying to help their loved ones through an addiction may express their frustrations in ways they don't mean to. Seeking out your own support can help you to express your feelings in ways that are healthy for you. Although it might be hard to believe, by reaching out for help it is possible to feel better even if your mom continues drinking. Thanks for reaching out to 2NDFLOOR! You can call us 24/7 at 888-222-2228 if you'd like more support. You can also text us from 12pm-8pm. Please don't hesitate to reach out!
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