loss of a father

[Unregistered]

a few months ago, my father died suddenly. i have a history of self harm and depression, and had been seeing a therapist, but after my dad's death the therapist seemed useless to me. months later, everything has taken place into my life. i have a constant feeling of numbness throughout my body and soul. i can't trust, depend, believe anything anymore. nothing has a point to me. i don't know who i'm living for anymore- myself isn't a good enough reason for me. i don't know if i can keep living in this constant pain. i'm dying on the inside. no one understands what i'm going through, or why some moments im perfectly fine and others i have screaming terrors of seeing my father's eyes rolling back into his head, in the hospital, in a casket. i need someone, something, to make me happy again. and there isn't.

[2NDFLOOR]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. I want to first off remind you that if you are in danger to yourself or having suicidal thoughts please contact 911 immediately or call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-8255. Death affects everyone differently and the grieving process can take time. It's true many people may not understand what you are going through, but that doesn't mean that they don't want to help and support you through this process. The death of your father does not mean that your life is no longer worth living. If you cannot live for yourself at this moment think about all the other wonderful people in your life. Your pain although difficult and unimaginable is temporary and with the right help you don't have to feel this way. Have you considered going to a therapist who specializes in grief? Many times after the loss of a loved one this specific type of therapy can help individuals to begin to heal. These individuals know what you are experiencing and have the tools to help you. There will be moments where things feel better and other times where things seem impossible, but don't give up! Think of the times when you had not felt this way, remember that it is possible. If you want to talk more please don't hesitate to call 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline 24/7 or text us daily 4-8PM at 888-222-2228.