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Hi two years ago I was suffering anorexia. I just hated what I saw in the mirror I just saw a fat ugly girl and some days I still get up and I am scared to look in the mirror to see that girl that I once saw. My best friend told the school phycologist and I hated her at the time but if it wasn't for her I would not be here today. The school phycologist told my parents for obvious reasons. My mom just broke down crying asking me if she had done something and she kept repeating I was beautiful but I knew she just said that because she my mom. On the other hand my dad told me I brought shame to the family name. My school recommended me to get admitted to the local hospital. But my dad refused I was basically screaming for help but he didn't care. He is a really big business man and his reputation is everything. I am sorry for being the way I am I seem desperate and needy but I just feel like my dad was not there for me. Fast forward to present day I am no longer "anorexic" but I still have that mindset where I just hate looking in the mirror. It is to a point where I dropped lunch so I am not "required" to eat and I am scared I feel like I am falling back into the darkness. I just want to be happy and I am sorry to family they got stuck with me.
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First off I just want to say how strong you are and how brave you are for telling your story. You do not need to apologize. We are here to listen and we want to talk to you. It can be difficult to reach out for help when you feel that certain people do not understand what you are going through. At that point in time, I agree it does seem that your dad was not there for you when you needed him. Although I cannot change the way your dad reacts to this, I can say that you can get support elsewhere. Talk to the school psychologist, see an outside counselor, talk to your mom about these feelings. Talk to anyone you trust and feel comfortable talking to. If you feel you are slipping back into it, reach out for help. Don't let your past experience stop you from asking for help. Loving ourselves and loving our bodies is something that everyone experiences at least once in their life. It can be hard when we see things we don't like. Try focusing on the positive, but realize this is not something that you should go through alone so please tell someone. Your family loves you. It sounds like your mom was extremely concerned and your dad well he may not be able to understand how his reaction affects you. Here is a great website http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.o...d-help-support that can provide you with information, resources, and support. If you want to talk more do not hestitate to contact 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline 24/7 or text us daily 4-8PM at 888-222-2228. You are not alone in this!
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