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My mom always says things to me a mom shouldn't. I mean, I understand when she says I'm worthless and such when I don't do something right, it comes out of anger and I know she doesn't mean it. Okay so today she was complaining to my cousin that I don't do anything at all and neither does my sister so I got out of my room and told her to not say that, she knows I'm always willing to help so I started doing the dishes. (btw she broke her arm so she can't really do them) instead she was over my shoulder telling me how I should do them, my dad always told me that when they give me advice to not say "um okay, I don't care" to just take it, it's all up to me if I ever wanna use it. I had enough of her though. I told her "are you gonna do the dishes? Leave me alone already!" And she got furious so she grabbed the plate and sponge and pushed me aside and started doing them. I was pretty mad so I tried going into my room so I could calm down and not say anything at all. THEN she started yelling "you worthless piece of shit, I'm not cooking anything today, go eat shit!" So I yelled back," YOU go eat shit!" And that's when she help up plates as if she were gonna throw at me. I was upset honestly, a mother should give you advice and not over react at such little things like that in that type of manner. I've made her tea how she likes it every morning, a put movies for her and let her talk bad about people and gossip as much as she wants (and I hate that but I just listen) so she doesn't have all that anger in her. I always wanted to be her friend but the way she reacts to things is why I can never have a good relationship with her. She's ungrateful of what I do. I love her with all my heart and grateful I have her because some people don't have moms but she can be a real bitch. We've tried getting her therapy but she says that's for crazy people. While I was depressed I thought she'd support me and be glad I finally told what was going on, instead she called me crazy and told her friends. Told all of my family members and now my family makes fun of me and always say "shut up and go give your daughter her medication" or "you sick daughter who's on medication" "be careful that you're daughter doesn't kill herself" ect. Even my sister told me to kill myself and that I'm crazy for taking medication and stuff. I honestly wish I never told anyone and kept faking nothing was wrong. I hope I'm not writing too much I just had to let this out. When my mom was an alcoholic I would back her up. My friends at school, their parents hated my mother. They called her "la borachita" (the drunkie) and I hated that. I don't know what to do, I need guidance. I'm tired of the way I'm living, the words I get called. I'm so scared of trusting anyone, even my own mother. My family basically bullies me about my depression and my mom took me off the pills and cut off my therapy and won't let me see a doctor to even get a check up and I'm getting bullied at school. I wanna kill myself, I feel like all of my problems right now would go away if I ended my life right now. Now my cousin is saying "when I was her age I wasn't like that, she just causes problems" and he's a guy. I don't like him much because he always yells at my mom and is super rude. I hate myself, I hate school, I hate my life. I hate who I am. What do I do?
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Sounds like there are other issues going on in your relationship with your mother, because sometimes when people blow up over little things, it's really a bigger issue that is bothering them. It's too bad your Mom isn't interested in therapy because that is a great way to help relationships. Some of the stuff you do for your Mom is really nice and she probably appreciates it even if she doesn't tell you that. Have you tried asking her what she would like help with during the day? Like a chore list? Then at least you would have an idea about what she is expecting of you. Calling you names like that is unnecessary and disrespectful to you, have you ever told her how her doing and saying all these things makes you feel? In any case it is good that you are able to talk about your feelings of depression. It's not helpful at all to pretend like nothing is bothering you and it's too bad that your family is not very accepting of your situation. Know there are always people out there that are willing to help (like us) and it's good you used this forum to vent your frustrations. Now lets talk about not getting therapy and medication. Try talking to your Mom again about how important it is to you and how it makes you feel better. If you feel like your Mom is blocking you from getting medicine you need, you have the option of contacting the Division of Child Protection and Permanency and reporting that you think you are being neglected. They would come out and perform an investigation to see if there is anything they can do to help you. They can be reached at (877) NJ-ABUSE. Finally, it's good that you spoke out about the suicidal thoughts you are having. That happens to people sometimes when they are depressed or don't see a change as a possibility in the things they are going through. In your case, it's probably because all these things are bothering you and you're not taking your medications. Suicide is never the answer to any problem. There is always change down the road and things will get better...even if it doesn't seem like it now. It is important if you ever feel like you are going to act on those thoughts (or simply to talk about it) that you reach out for help. Organizations like ours are trained to help people dealing with suicidal thoughts. There are also some other great services like the NJ Hopeline (855) 654-6735 and the Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800) 273-8255 that specialize in people dealing with suicide. Bottom line is any of these resources are there to help you if you ever want to talk about your thoughts. Call us 24/7 or text us between 4pm-8pm at 888-222-2228.
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