I hate myself

[Unregistered]

So as always, I'm screwing up, but this time, I really outdid myself!😞 so I got into a car accident and my parents are livid. I've never seen them more mad in my entire life (at least so far...) of course I'm sure they're happy that I didn't die or get hurt or anything, but they're just beyond angry. I was going to pick my friend up (which is against my Mom's house rule but since I'm an idiot, I tried to do it anyways....not that I got that far). Anyways as I was on my way, some senior (who actually goes to my school) crashes into me. His car was spotless after the accident and he's known to be a reckless driver and he had two other kids in the car so I'm sure he wasn't paying attention. It was just me in the car and I'm a very defensive driver because I like to avoid situations like this. Yet, I walk away with two smashed doors that will no longer open. And all I got from him was a sorry??? My life is currently hell. My dad told me that he's done with me and my mom said that she can't trust me anymore and I've been crying everyday for the past week. I had ACTs today, and all I could think about was how angry my parents are at me and I honestly can't take it anymore. My parents are already dealing with a lot of stress at the moment and I just added something else to the list. They'll be paying extra insurance for years....all because of me. And they said they won't let me drive to school at all my entire senior year (next school year). The whole situation I'm currently in has triggered my self harm again, which has ruined my months of being clean. I broke one rule and it ended so badly for me. I always feel so worthless and stupid and now I have proved that I truly am. I hate myself. People who heard about the accident keep asking me if I'm okay, but my safety was the last thing I thought about when the car hit me. All I cared about was how my parents would be angry and how they would have to pay for my stupidity. My mom said the car has to get fixed, but I've lost all driving privileges. How do I get my parents to trust me again and how do I convince them to allow me to drive to school again next school year? My parents are extremely strict. I'm the first generation in my family to be raised in America...so they're not nearly as easy-going and understanding as a lot of American parents are. I already help around the house and do chores and have a GPA of a 3.8 so school grades aren't really the issue (I'm not bragging, I just work very very hard). I've always tried to be a good daughter even though I've never been comfortable with myself and to be quite honest, I've never been able to say that I love myself. I just need my parents to truly understand how sorry I am and I really honestly do not intend to ever drive with anyone else in the car if given the chance to drive again until I move out of the house. I've never felt so guilty and sad and stupid before and I just really need my parents to not be mad at me anymore and I want to stop crying. Please help me😞😞😞

[2NDFLOOR]

It sounds like you experienced a pretty serious accident. Events such as these can be very triggering for many reasons. It sounds like you and your parents are all experiencing some level of emotional reactions. For your parents they may be feeling like you said happy that you were not seriously injured but also feeling stressed due to unforeseen financial expenses. Do you have a job or could you get a job to help pay for the damages to the car? This could be a way to help show responsibility and rebuild the trust with your parents.
In terms of your self-harm, relapse happens sometimes - especially during very stressful times. You are human and mistakes can happen. But that one moment does not have define your recovery. Instead of focusing on that one moment try to focus on the methods that helped you not harm in the past few months. You can also create a list of supportive people you feel you can reach out to when you feel like harming. You can also reach out to 2NDFloor at any time 24/7 to talk. Or if you do not feel like talking you can text us at 908-280-0235 everyday between 4-8pm.