negligent mother

[Unregistered]

My girlfriend is pregnant and has become overly stressed by her current situation. She may be losing her apartment because she is turning 18 and her survivors benefits are running out. Her mother chooses to buy cigarettes over food and basic necessities to keep her comfortable and stress free. I have tried my hardest to do all I can to help, and her mom acts as if it is my responsibility to care for her and support her financially, when I am currently pursuing a bachelor's degree to obtain a job so I will be able to support her and our baby. I really don't know where to turn and it kills me to see her cry everyday and be stressed over these issue in which I feel her mother should have handled months if not years ago. I don't believe my girlfriend has dealt with the death of her father properly and it has taken its tole on her and her mom. I still feel like it's her mother's responsibility to care for her child and get her the support and proper care she needs. They applied for welfare but since she is 17, she can't receive anything at this point in time. Her mom always puts herself first and buys cigarettes before making sure there is food and even toilet paper in the house. It is truly sad to see how devastating this has been on my girlfriend and I feel like i am left option less at this time, not knowing exactly how I could get those benefits to go towards her and not her mom's unhealthy habits which are also putting our baby at risk. She smokes in the house and sleeps on a couch and acts as if this is the way to live her life and that's what her sacrifice is. If she can't even see that she has set her child back and allowed for the wrong values to be acceptable, I don't know what my words can do to help, and it is truly unforgivable to see such a horrible situation go on without any intervention. If there are any avenues in which I can get her the help she needs, I would be truly grateful beyond comprehension.

[2NDFLOOR]

Well it does sound like there is neglectful behavior going on by her mother, but unfortunately at this point your girlfriend is about to be an adult and have a child of her own. So it sounds like you two need to have a plan of action for your family. Your girlfriend should tell her doctor that she needs some support counseling so they can refer her to someone to talk to about the changes that are going on with a baby coming. As soon as she turns 18 she can reapply for welfare to try to get her on her feet. It's great that you are getting a degree so that your family has a future, but you are going to have to be financially responsible for the baby too now. I know its a lot to handle but its the only option. Your college has information about work-study or even on campus jobs to help you, so maybe check that option out first. Listen, lots of people work and go to school, that baby is counting on you now. As far as her mother's behavior, there is nothing that you can do about that because you cannot change someone's behavior, you can only change how you react. Good Luck with everything and you can always call 2NDFLOOR, we are here 24-7 @ 888-222-2228 or you can even text us on Fridays from 4-8pm @ 908-280-0235

[Unregistered]

Well I have had a job and things seem to be getting better. It is working better now that I try to not come down on her for not getting her priorities in order and she is putting her best foot forward. I am proud to see her gaining some responsibility and proving her dedication and commitment to our child and the current situation. She has contacted many support networks in order to get the facts, in which I feel have been hidden from her, and she was made to believe they are out of her control. It is just a tricky time to see her trying to take on her duties as a mother, but still finding that some things may not be completely obtainable until she is 18. Until then, I guess I will continue in my efforts to sustain my job, excel in school, and be there for her as much as possible to ensure she stays optimistic about our future together with all the planning for our little one's arrival. I guess it is best to steer clear of her mother and limit our interactions to hi and bye, but I feel like the alienation of our line of communication hinders matters that must be dealt with to ensure a stress free and safe home environment for my girlfriend and our child. Thanks for your input and I appreciate this service because sometimes my advise goes unnoticed, but hearing things from a third party with unbiased intentions proves my true concerned and loving intentions. I will work on setting a standard for a more mature approach to communication and try to make myself the best boyfriend and father I can, and you're right, that's all I have the power to control.

[2NDFLOOR]

I'm glad to hear we could help in someway. Again good luck with everything and if you need to talk more you can always call 2NDFLOOR, we are here 24-7 @ 888-222-2228 or text us on Fridays from 4-8pm @ 908-280-0235