mom is sick

[Unregistered]

Today is my moms surgery and im really worried about whats gonna happen after I dont know if she has to take chemo or radiation and shes not gonna be able to do much and I dont like to see people weak especially not her and in a house of one bother and two other sisters im the only one who needs to learn to drive im in the 11th grade and my brother is a grown man but he doesnt know how to drive and everyone depends on me like im the second oldest adult next to my mom...I feel like I cant do a thing right the things ive done in my life I hate myself for
I cut myself and sometimes hit my head with my hands only because I dont wanna get in trouble for holes in the wall and I force regurgitate and wish I would die the worst death but... my family.
Its so hard living each day hating yourself and you want to die but you cant go.

[2NDFLOOR]

Thank you so much for reaching out to us for help, and we apologize for not responding sooner. We hope your mom's surgery went well and we wish her a healthy recovery. It takes a lot of bravery to reach out to us and ask for help, and sometimes that is the hardest thing to do. From your post it sounds like you have a lot of pressure placed on you. Being forced to be the adult when you are still young can definitely create a lot of anxiety and guilt if you make a mistake or don't do everything as perfectly as others expect. Unfortunately, sometimes this is a common outcome when a parent or caregiver gets sick, and someone else must fill the void and take responsibility.

With everything going on, it sounds like you feel as if cutting or hitting yourself is the only way to handle the pressure. While it may feel like that is your only option, please know that there are many resources you can turn to. From your post it sounds like your mom may be suffering from cancer. There are actually a lot of support groups available for families with a relative that is dealing with cancer. You may want to contact the hospital where your mom is having her surgery or treatments to see what resources they may have locally for you. Many times by participating in these support groups, you can form bonds and connections with others that may be able to help assist you with being the one everyone is depending on. If you haven't voiced your concerns about feeling anxious or overwhelmed from the pressure to your family, it may help to do this as well. Perhaps if your family is aware of your concerns, they may be willing to help share some of the responsibilities that are being placed on you. Ultimately know that you are not alone, and feel free to call 2NDFLOOR anytime at 1-888-222-2228 to talk more about this, or anything else!