Tweet
I am a sophomore in college. I come from this family that looks down on dating and sees relationships and boyfriends and girlfriends as distractions in schoolwork and learning. I have never been on a date, and I didn't go to my high school prom because my parents didn't allow me to go (it also helped that no one asked me.) In high school, I didn't really care because I was dubbed the socially-awkward kid anyway and had few friends. I figured that dating and having relationships was something "They" did, although I wasn't sure exactly who "They" were, and I wasn't part of that. My parents also made me believe that the "They" group were bad people, unfocused people, distracted people who had their priorities screwed up. I bought it.
Now, I am in college, and I see that everyone around me is smart and capable, graceful and so involved in campus events. I realize that my parents might have been wrong with their broad sweeping characterizations that dating is a distraction and won't get you the places you need to go in life. I realize that my college friends had high school relationships and were able to navigate that just as well along with academics and family life to be where they are now. Needless to say, I feel as though I missed out on some sort of experience.
So, in college, I have been paying more attention to the feelings that my mom always told me to squelch. (Because, yes, I did have crushes in High School; I just paid them no mind) That's where the story starts, I guess. There's this guy. I had a class with him a semester ago. We're friends now, but I get this funny excited feeling whenever he calls or sends me a text message, and I always want to invite him to my stuff: my class presentations, performances, the team-created movies. When he was trapped in a building that was caving in because of damp, I was really worried about him. It's going to sound stupid coming from a 20-year-old, I know, but I wonder if that is how a person feels when she likes someone as more than a friend. I don't know. I've never felt this way before.
If I share with my mom, I know that she will flip a lid. I am not too sure of what to make of my feelings either as this is new turf for me. Why do I want him to notice me so badly. Is wanting that wrong as my parents say? Will listening to my feelings make me a figurative orphan?
Now, I am in college, and I see that everyone around me is smart and capable, graceful and so involved in campus events. I realize that my parents might have been wrong with their broad sweeping characterizations that dating is a distraction and won't get you the places you need to go in life. I realize that my college friends had high school relationships and were able to navigate that just as well along with academics and family life to be where they are now. Needless to say, I feel as though I missed out on some sort of experience.
So, in college, I have been paying more attention to the feelings that my mom always told me to squelch. (Because, yes, I did have crushes in High School; I just paid them no mind) That's where the story starts, I guess. There's this guy. I had a class with him a semester ago. We're friends now, but I get this funny excited feeling whenever he calls or sends me a text message, and I always want to invite him to my stuff: my class presentations, performances, the team-created movies. When he was trapped in a building that was caving in because of damp, I was really worried about him. It's going to sound stupid coming from a 20-year-old, I know, but I wonder if that is how a person feels when she likes someone as more than a friend. I don't know. I've never felt this way before.
If I share with my mom, I know that she will flip a lid. I am not too sure of what to make of my feelings either as this is new turf for me. Why do I want him to notice me so badly. Is wanting that wrong as my parents say? Will listening to my feelings make me a figurative orphan?
Comment