Dream

[Unregistered]

So I'm 19 and in college and my boyfriend (well he's not really my boyfriend anymore I guess) and I have been going through some rough times. He and I have broken up and gotten back together a couple times in the past few months, and where we're at right now, we're sort of seeing each other but we're not boyfriend-girlfriend. Long story short we got back together on his terms, and I've done everything that he's asked because I care a lot about him and I don't want to lose him.

We just went home for winter break, but right before we left we had a conversation about our relationship and he told me he was worried that I needed him, and he didn't want to be in that position. I told him I don't need him but I would really like for him to be in my life, and he said that he wants me to prove that to him. So over the break we're not going to see each other and we're only going to talk when he reaches out to me (the last part I've decided on my own). Which is just fine, I went a few days without talking to him and there was no problem.

Last night though I had a dream that he proposed to me. It was so vivid and exciting and it felt so real. I said no to him but only because we're so young, but just the fact that he asked made me happier than I'd ever been. After I woke up and thought about it, I got really lonely and sad and I wanted to talk to him but I didn't. I still haven't talked to him, but I'm really sad and I want to cry because I miss him a lot.

I'm scared he might be right about me needing him. I've never really been in a healthy relationship, my first boyfriend treated me really badly and from there I just sort of bounced from bad relationship to bad relationship until I got to college, and I met the guy I'm currently seeing (he won't call me his girlfriend and I don't think he wants to be called my boyfriend). He's treated me really well and I thought I was doing okay, but then we started having problems and now we're here. I'm scared he's right and no matter how hard I try I'm never going to change.

[2NDFLOOR]

This is a difficult situation to be in. You're at an age where dating is normal and sometimes complicated. It does sound like he is being direct with you by telling you exactly what he is looking for in the relationship, however, it is then up to you to decide if these terms are acceptable to you and what you are looking for from a relationship. There is nothing wrong with wanting a person to be in your life, but "needing" them might be scary. A lot of healthy relationships are due to people that are happy being themselves and don't need a significant other in their life to feel complete. You have to figure out exactly what you are looking for in this relationship, see if he is willing to do that, then decide if this relationship is healthy for you or something you need for other reasons. In life, you'll have people come in and out regularly. Learn from each relationship you have and make yourself a better person from each one. Call us anytime to discuss a problem at 888-222-2228.