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Me and my boyfriend lest call him john have been together since 7th grade and now where both in high school. I love John but I hate his parents their mean and militant and judge him wrongly and his dad hits him when he does something wrong and uses him as a work horse to get more money from jobs and is a really nasty guy. My dad was similar but committed suicide a when I was younger. My mom loves john but his parents hate me! They judge me and think he can do better and don't want him around me. For a while johns parents took away all contact from me for a few months..John and I were both devasted but him more than me...I didn't find out till today he tried to kill himself by cutting his wrist but when he read the note id given him in the hallway at school he put down the knife and put on bandages. And says I saved him and make him a better person everyday. But lately a lot of stuff has happen that makes me really scared and nervous about seeing him. After being together so long we decided we were ready to have sex last summer and it's been great and I feel more conected to him than ever but recently my moms been going to school to get a bachlers degree and her boyfriend was working to pay the bills..but her boyfriend left us and everything's changing moms gone half the week at school and the other half at school. John used to always come over to my house after school when she was here and now he can't. At school people bully me over my relationship with John and a mistake we made that got him close to killing himself last year. girls harass me and chase me out of the building in the morning and lock the door so I can't get back in when it's raining and am late to first period. And if I try to hold johns hand at lunch they yell "hand check!" As a joke to think if I have my hand in his pants which is just a cruel imarture joke at this point. I missed a day of school bcuz of a stomachs ache and this guy tommy demanded from John "what did he do to me" and made him cry. With the people there and the amount of stress my mom puts on me to do perfect in my classes school has become hell. And recently I've been feeling as though I was blind till I met John and that I didn't know how cruel people were being to me cuz I though they were joking. Now that I realize that I got really depressed. I'm afride to go over johns house and he can't come here so I can't see him anymore but I love him so much it's been eating me up inside. I'm dreading going back to school tomorrow and I was suppose to see john today but his parents wouldn't let him come over and I found out we can't go trick or treating together like we've been planning for months and I cut my wrists today something I haven't done in a long time and if it wasn't for John talking me down I don't know what else I would have done. I don't know what to feel anymore I tried to break up with John but ik I can't live without him any more I love him too much we planed to be together till we die and without him I won't be able to stop myself from ending my life. I wanted to today but John stopped me. Everything's changed for both of us since finding eachother we bring out eachother best and worsted but John hides his worst from me and I feel I rely on him too much for mine. I don't know what to do anymore I don't think I can go on too much longer we have huge fights that bring me to the edge multiple times a week and I'm terrified what's going to happen next. If he leaves me I'll try to kill myself if I leave him ill still try kill myself and so will he, but if we stay together like this ill keep cutting myself just to escape the pain my head gets thrown in. I don't know what to do anymore :'( I wanted to call the number but I was too afride to
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I want to go to guidance or someone who will help but I'm afraid cuz of the cutting that they'll tell my mom cuz she can't know not yet :'( -
Please call 2ndfloor at 888-222-2228
Hello,
I am so very sorry to hear about the anguish and pain you are going through at this time. You have so many emotional things happening to you at one time and it has truly become unbearable. During such emotional times our thinking can become very distorted and we start to think that options like suicide and cutting are the only relief. Please know they are not. Please call us at 2ndfloor ASAP so we can talk about your options. Our number is 888-222-2228 and you can call any hour of the day and any day of the week for 365 days. This is so very important because after reading your post it is very apparent your thoughts are racing and jumping from one topic to another. Please call us or the NJ HOPE Line at 855-654-6735 to speak to a counselor. Another option is to speak to your school counselor but please promise you will talk to someone who may be able to help. This is also important because you do not want to come to school anymore because of issues with some peers. This can be effectively adddressed by school staff! Also, when our thoughts are spinning out of control it can be helpful to use a thinking strategy called "Thought Stopping." It may sound simple but it works. Thought Stopping involves making a real effort to examine or think about your thinking. If you are thinking negative thoughts or thinking about hurting yourself you say to yourself "STOP!" and then you try to think better thoughts. Part of depression is not being able to fully understand what a drastic measure like suicide means to all the people in your life and to you! The pain can get better without taking this drastic measure. Please promise you will not hurt yourself and you will talk to somebody, whether that is in person or on the phone. Please call now. We can wait to hear your wonderful voice
Sincerely,
2NDFLOOR STAFFComment
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Please call the number
You have so many heavy burdens for a young person- please get to a place where you can speak without worry and call the number for help.Comment
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Talking to Your School Counselor
Please talk to your school counselor about the problems you are having. It is very important to share your thoughts of suicide and cutting with the counselor, but even if you choose not to do so please make an appointment and talk about all the problems that are happening in your life. If you feel comfortable enough with your counselor, you may decide to share about your recent suicidal thoughts and cutting. School Counselors have to take measures to make sure their students are safe. You cannot be given a guarantee that the School Counselor will not call home to speak to a parent or guardian. But please don't let this stop you from making an appointment to talk. Also please call 2NDFLOOR at 888-222-2228 any time of day or night to talk. Talk therapy works. Please call us or the NJ HOPE LINE at 855-654-6735. Thanks for reaching out on the Message Board and keep doing it if it helps! Take good care.
Sincerely,
2NDFLOOR STAFFComment
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Thanks
Thanks...I'll tryComment
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