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Socially Crippling
I'm in an open relationship with two guys and a girl. I haven't kissed any of them yet, but I know it's gonna happen at some point. Maybe I'm just nervous, but I also have Focal Hyperhidrosis. It is socially crippling, and I don't know how to fix it. I can't touch people otherwise they get grossed out. I kinda have to touch them to kiss them, I can't just dangle there by the lips... I have to do something with my hands. My mother suggested gloves, but it doesn't work. I am so ashamed of myself, I refuse to kiss any of them and I don't want their feelings to get hurt. I also don't want to tell them about my disease. I'm so insecure about kissing and touching people. Please help, I feel like I've tried everything.
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I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling isolated and ashamed right now. Having a physical or medical condition can lead those who experience them to feel alone and misunderstood. While the experience of having Focal Hyperhidrosis may feel socially crippling, it does not have to prevent you from connecting with others who can provide you with support and understanding. It sounds like completely avoiding any physical touch also presents another barrier to being close with others, as well as influences a lot of anxiety on your part. Although it may seem unbelievably frightening, sharing your own experience with your partners can allow you to work through these concerns with them, while giving you the freedom to be your true self in your relationships. This is not an issue that you have to face on your own in your relationships; you and each of your partners can find a way to be physically close that is comfortable for both of you. It can be terrifying to be vulnerable and share the most sensitive parts of yourself with another person. However, it is important to know that all healthy relationships are based on trust and mutual communication. Additionally, you have the power to decide when you share and how much you share. You do not have to share any part of your experience right away with your partners if you are not comfortable doing so. If and when you do decide to express your concerns, it's on your terms and you control how much you want to share. While you might fear your partners may judge you for your differences, it sounds like they value their connection with you regardless of any physical contact.
For more resources about healthy ways to communicate with your partners, you can check out http://www.loveisrespect.org/. If you'd like more information about safe physical intimacy you can also check out https://sexetc.org/.
It can also be helpful to connect with others who are experiencing the same concerns that you are. Here are some support forums for Focal Hyperhidrosis:
http://www.excessive-sweating.net/
http://hyperhidrosisnetwork.com/forums/
I'm so glad you had the courage to reach out! If you need any further support, you can reach us 24/7 to talk or text at 888-222-2228. Thank you for contacting 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline!
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