whats wrong with me?

[Unregistered]

about a month ago, i was attacked by a few boys i know and i've been dealing with the results of being talked about in school and etc. Majority think i just allowed multiple boys to do me but only my closest friends know the true story. Im not gonna report it because im tired of dealing with it, im tired of thinking about it, im tired of dealing with the girlfriend of one of the assailants, etc. But my biggest problem is that i dont know why but i grew attached to one of my attackers. Its like i hate him, he makes me sad, i want him but i don't want to be near him all at the same time... i avoid all the other boys but when this one texts me for quickies i always show and i've allowed him to share me with his friend (this occured twice). i came to the conclusion that i was acting out sexually because of my attack and i said i would assert to him to leave me alone but i just continually allow this one individual to disrespect me and im confused as to why. its like i reflect alot alone but seeing him in person is just different.

[2NDFLOOR]

I am sorry about what you are going through this but I am glad you reached out. What those boys did to you was wrong and against the law. I understand that you do not want to report the incident but in order for you to feel better about yourself, understand healthy relationships and understand what you have gone through you need to get some help. I would suggest seeking the help of a counselor or therapist as soon as possible.
Please try to understand that none of this was your fault and do not feel like you caused any of this. As far as the one boy that you still see, it is important for you to stay away from him and I understand that might be difficult for you. Talking about this to a counselor will help you understand why you feel this way, and will help in the healing process. Do you have a trusted adult you can reach out to?
Please check out this website which also has a hotline number. www.rainn.org and the number is 800-656-4673. I would recommend calling the hotline to discuss this further. Also, loveisrespect.org discusses dating violence. They also offer a live chat and you can text too. Text loveis to 22522.
I recommend you reach out to one of these resources or you can call 2ndfloor 24/7 @ 888-222-2228 or text between 4-8 PM daily.
It is important for you to get some help soon.