Wasted my time

[Unregistered]

I spent 2 years chasing after a girl. She seemed so perfect and I couldn't stop thinking about her. Every step we took closer together was all I cared about. When we talked it seemed like the universe stopped. I would talk to her endlessly. I lost sleep because she would confide in me and I just chatted with her or was on the phone with her all night. I spent 2 years building up the confidence to ask her out. I finally did it and she said yes. It was the best thing that ever happened. Within a month the sparks were gone. We had nothing to talk about and it wasn't the perfect relationship. It was going to end and I knew it. Then at a party while we still were dating she started cozying up to this guy who has been after her for a while. I knew that our relationship would end, but I spent so much time on her. My grades suffered, I ditched friends to talk to her, I dropped everything and consoled her when she needed someone to talk to. Everything I hoped it would be was crushed. Now I have to deal with real life and I realize I wasted so much time. She didn't even give me closure, we never broke up, and I just got really depressed. Such a huge chunk of my highschool life was gone and she didn't give a f**k. The least she could have done was broken up with me. I am just f***ing sad all the time now and I don't know what to do. I am a really positive happy person and I don't feel like I can talk to my friends. I don't feel like a man when I spend nights just getting drunk or really high to forget about that s**t. I want to forget about her, I want to forget about college, I want to forget about real life. I just want to reset highschool. She seems so unphased.

[2NDFLOOR]

It sounds like you really care about her. Sometimes people and relationships change or grow apart. You are absolutely right that she have broken up with you properly to allow for closure. Also, just because she doesn't seem to be affected by all of this, doesn't mean that she isn't. Sometimes people hide their feelings about situations because it seems easier at the time. Perhaps this is just a way for you to learn about relationships for the future. It seems like you learned what you want and don't want for your next relationship. While it may seem uncomfortable, it may be really helpful to reach out to your friends for help with this. Let them know that you are hurting, they may want to try to help you. Also, using alcohol or drugs as a coping mechanism is dangerous and can lead to a lot of other problems. Please consider talking to an adult that you trust about this, like your parents, family member, teacher, doctor, or guidance counselor. Please call 2NDFLOOR anytime at 888-222-2228 for more help with this. We are here 24/7 to help you.