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not over him yet
when I was 19, I dated someone (we'll call him D). It was to the point that we lived together for a while. I loved him, and we had a lot of wonderful times together - we had a lot in common, a lot of shared interests, quite a few mutual friends, and I loved every single moment of it.
It didn't last - D left me, and I found someone else (we'll call him T). I found him on the rebound (we started dating less than a month after D and I broke up), but I'm 21 now and two years later we're still together and I'm really happy with him (also important: we're in what is essentially an open relationship). We get on really well, we have a lot of the same interests and even mutual friends agree that we are super good for each other (one mutual friend who is really close to me recently told me that he can't wait to attend the wedding). As good as D and I were for each other, T and I are just as good (if not better).
The problem is that I'm not sure I'm fully over D. Sometimes I think about him, and I get really sad about what could have been. I think about what I did wrong and what I could have done differently to change what had happened (I know it was entirely my fault and I accept that). I'll do things that we used to do together (even something as innocent as lighting incense or getting the kind of takeout we used to get) and feel sad about what I've lost. Sometimes even when I'm drinking alone (and I know that's not something I should do) I'll feel down and I just want to call him, just to hear his voice.
I'm happy with T. We've had our road bumps but we've been together this long because we care about each other and we have consistently worked through the issues that couples typically go through. We respect each other (being in an open relationship, I can see other people and so can he - and we talk semi-openly about it), and we love each other. He makes me happy, and I miss him most of all when I get lonely. And most of all, he's told me how pretty I am, every single day since we've met, even if it's just over text message (I once mentioned to him how D stopped telling me I was pretty after a while, and T told me how much of a travesty it was that someone would feel so complacent in a relationship where they thought it was okay to stop telling me of all people that). I love T. I've even had the thought to propose to him (but I've restrained myself, because I know he isn't ready).
I just feel so awful. I have these wonderful feelings for T, I feel like something great can come of this; but I still feel like I lost something major when I lost D. After two years, I still miss what we had. I still cry about it. though T will do exactly the same things with me, shares most of the same interests... I miss doing those things with D. And I don't know what to do.
It didn't last - D left me, and I found someone else (we'll call him T). I found him on the rebound (we started dating less than a month after D and I broke up), but I'm 21 now and two years later we're still together and I'm really happy with him (also important: we're in what is essentially an open relationship). We get on really well, we have a lot of the same interests and even mutual friends agree that we are super good for each other (one mutual friend who is really close to me recently told me that he can't wait to attend the wedding). As good as D and I were for each other, T and I are just as good (if not better).
The problem is that I'm not sure I'm fully over D. Sometimes I think about him, and I get really sad about what could have been. I think about what I did wrong and what I could have done differently to change what had happened (I know it was entirely my fault and I accept that). I'll do things that we used to do together (even something as innocent as lighting incense or getting the kind of takeout we used to get) and feel sad about what I've lost. Sometimes even when I'm drinking alone (and I know that's not something I should do) I'll feel down and I just want to call him, just to hear his voice.
I'm happy with T. We've had our road bumps but we've been together this long because we care about each other and we have consistently worked through the issues that couples typically go through. We respect each other (being in an open relationship, I can see other people and so can he - and we talk semi-openly about it), and we love each other. He makes me happy, and I miss him most of all when I get lonely. And most of all, he's told me how pretty I am, every single day since we've met, even if it's just over text message (I once mentioned to him how D stopped telling me I was pretty after a while, and T told me how much of a travesty it was that someone would feel so complacent in a relationship where they thought it was okay to stop telling me of all people that). I love T. I've even had the thought to propose to him (but I've restrained myself, because I know he isn't ready).
I just feel so awful. I have these wonderful feelings for T, I feel like something great can come of this; but I still feel like I lost something major when I lost D. After two years, I still miss what we had. I still cry about it. though T will do exactly the same things with me, shares most of the same interests... I miss doing those things with D. And I don't know what to do.
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