It's complicated

[Unregistered]

I have never been good at keeping friends or making anyone like me. People like me, but they use me. I'm the person who listens to everyone's problems and then wonder why I feel so terrible. I wish that I could make this one friendship of mine work, but I don't know how long I can try and mend something that is already so broken. First, I'd like to change the identities of my friends' name, that way they never find out. I'm sure they wouldn't anyway, but I like to take precautions. My two girl friends I will rename as Bonnie and Angel. My one guy friend I will call Clyde (you'll understand why I gave them their names as the story goes on). The last person I failed to mention is a new person who came into my life and I will call him Nick. I met Angel at a summer internship that we were both in, and I am so thankful to have met her. She got me into anime, writing, and video games. And the reason I call her Angel in my story is because she is always watching over me even though I'm older than her. She always knows how to make me smile, and Angel has been there for me since the beginning of this all. After talking with her for a while I was able to meet her sister Bonnie, who is, without a doubt, my partner in crime. Or at least I thought she was. She is so much fun and always knows how to make me laugh, but she seemed to know how to make my heart break. The three of us were inseparable! And like all families, we wanted to expand our happy little group. That's when we decided to let Clyde into our lives. He is still without question one of the nicest guys I've met, but like Clyde, he was a player. Clyde and I spent a lot of time together, so much to the point where we were actually interested in one another. It was so bad that I was going to tell him I loved him. My first love, who would have thought it would have been with Clyde. I guess he didn't. Not only did I like him but so did Bonnie and Angel. Because of that, he told me to distance myself from him. How could I do that? I spent the entire time having panic attacks and listening to Hardest Part by Nina Nesbitt. At a point, I lied just to see his face and hear his voice again. I should have gotten over him, but I didn't. It was wrong of me to get jealous when the two would cuddle with him, or when he'd caress their face. I guess I just wished he would do that with me. I should have done something; I should have kissed him, held his hand, something to have made him mine. But I screwed up, not that it would have been right for me to call him my property anyways. Bonnie and Clyde kissed, the two mischievous pair in old movies became a part of my reality. I was afraid they would be inseparable, like we were, and I would lose him forever. And I would lose her. I would lose everyone. Instead of just letting go, I tried to hold on and tell them all how I felt. People cried, got mad, and nothing seemed to go as planned. They were still kissing and loving one another and at a certain point I did not care about anything they did. All I cared about was Angel, she was a sweet girl who did not deserve a thing that was happening. I'm sure you're wondering what is going on now. Well, we're all still friends, and we have gotten over one another. Nobody likes anybody, and we have the ability to chat with one another without starting an argument. The next thing that's probably going on in your brain is the purpose of my friend Nick. The reason why I chose the name for him is because Nick is my favorite character on the show New Girl. At first, I thought Nick was mean and sour, but it turns out he is a total sweetheart just like the on the TV show. And for once in my life, I don't feel so unpleasant with him around.

[2NDFLOOR]

Thanks for reaching out to 2ndFloor! It sounds like you went through a lot with these group of friends. It is important to surround yourself with people who care about you and have your best interest in mind. You want friends who you can talk to and express yourself to, without fear of an argument. If you want to work on a specific friendship try telling them how you feel about what happened to your friendship, and why you want to fix it. It sounds like there are two people you can really count on (Angel and Nick). Maybe these are the friendships that you want to build even stronger or at least surround yourself with them more. Since your story has so much detail it may be easier to discuss it on the phone. If you want to talk more about it you can always give 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline a call @ 888-222-2228 anytime. If you would prefer to text we are now doing texting Friday night's from 4pm-8pm @ 908-280-0235.

[Unregistered]

Response

See the thing is, I have been mainly interacting with Angel and Nick, but I hate feeling that I'm distancing myself from Clyde and Bonnie. Just because Clyde did it to me, doesn't mean I want to do it back. I still talk to them, and things are fine between Bonnie and I but Clyde seems like he's making an effort not to talk to me. And whenever he does, he seems like he never enjoys it. I'm not making an effort with him anymore I can tell you that much. If he wants to talk to me, he can do it himself. Now he constantly is with Angel, and it doesn't make me jealous, it makes me angry because I don't want him to break her heart like he did to me. Either that or he's trying to make her go on his side. But I can see the way he looks at her, and it reminds me of how he once looked at me. I don't know what he's doing, but it's aggravating me so much!! I don't want to say anything because I don't want her to think I'm trying to steal him from her. Because if I lost Angel, I would be lost myself. I have no feelings for him, but I still can't get him off my mind.. he was my first love. How could I? Another problem is Nick and Clyde are friends, quite close friends. I don't want to be that girl in the movies who dates my ex's best friend. I don't want to hurt either of them. Then again, Clyde and I were never an official thing, and neither are Nick and I. I'm actually having trouble describing my feelings for Nick. After Clyde, it's hard for me to trust people, and any form of intimacy right now is just unsettling. Even hugs to me are uncomfortable and I usually love hugs!! I try to seem okay so I don't worry my friends, but most of the time it's hard. I hate being so uncertain about something. I don't really know what to do anymore.

[2FLR]

Response

It also sounds like you are doing a lot to protect other people. Remember that you need help in this situation too. If you aren't able to talk to those particular friends, make sure that you do have people you can talk to about how you're feeling about this situation. Eventually, these relationship issues will work themselves out and you will move forward with your life (even if it doesn't feel like that now). Learn from these experiences and grow as a person, these experiences will help you later in life with different relationships. You can also text with us on Fridays from 4pm-8pm at 908-280-0235.

[Unregistered]

Another Response

Excuse me, I have another question. Is it bad of me to get mad at the fact that Clyde doesn't hug me anymore? When we were close friends, we literally looked forward to giving each other hugs. Now I look forward to Nick's hugs. I don't want to replace him with Nick. I want to have them both in my life. Clyde's hugs were amazing because you could feel that he meant it. I still want him to mean something to me; I want him to be my friend. I can feel him avoiding me, though, and most of the time it doesn't bother me. But today in gym, he just kept hugging this one girl, and it made me so upset. The thing is: there were things going on between this girl (I guess I'll call her Trisha) and Clyde before we became friends. I was friends with Trisha in a time of my life. She's not a good person. I know that I don't like Clyde anymore, but I would do everything in my power to make sure they don't end up together. She doesn't deserve him. Anyways, I didn't want to cry or show my change in emotion because I am not supposed to like him and I don't. I just hate the fact that I worked my butt off to make this group better, and he's not even trying to be any of our friends. I don't know why I keep holding on to him like gum on his shoe. Maybe because I want it to work? Between us? I don't like hating people. I tell myself that I just want us all to be friends again, but I feel like I want something more too. I hope I'm making sense to you because it took me forever to put this response together. I feel like I'm complaining to you too much, I hope you don't mind.

[2NDFLOOR]

It sounds like you are putting in a lot more effort into your relationships than he is. Relationships are supposed to be 50/50 and it doesn't appear Clyde is giving you that type of relationship. It sounds like he is trying to distance himself and move forward in his life. Sometimes certain relationships are not meant to last. Friends sometimes come and go, but every relationship has a purpose. It is important to learn from relationships and carry those lessons into new friendships. Please call us anytime at 1-888-222-2228.

[Unregistered]

I can be your friend, I'm probably younger than you I have felt lot of pain. I literally have know one. All my "friends" are real, they leave me and laugh at me when I made mistakes. I don't know what to do. I need someone. When everyone leaves them, I come to help. When im alone, they leave me behind i feel like I am the stair that help them get to success while i stay in one spot. I suggest you prove yourself to be worthy. Find your own group and be yourself, all shy and crazy.

[Unregistered]

Response

Thank you friend! I want you to know that you are more than just a stair, you are more than just a nobody, you are a somebody to me and many other people. Unfortunately, you just don't see it. I know this sounds incredibly hypocritical, but I only speak the truth. And of course, I will be your friend, just keep your head up and if you need anything please let me know. Now 2ndfloor, I am so sorry that I haven't talked to you in a while, but I've been trying hard not to be a loser. I've tried to get myself outside and I've actually been losing weight, which is a pretty big plus for me. For a while I was doing well, I was feeling happy. Slowly but surely. However, a new problem has come up which involves the same people. Basically Bonnie has been going behind my back and has been messaging Clyde about "hanging out." I want you to know that after I found this out, I removed myself from my group of friends. I didn't know what to do and now I regret it. Clyde isn't talking to me, Bonnie is pretending everything is okay when it's not, and Angel, I feel, is to the point where she's going to explode. Poor Nick has nothing to do with it and he's in the middle of it all. I want to talk about it, but I feel like everyone is getting tired of this story so I just kind of keep my feelings to myself. Today, I was going to let Clyde go. I was going to ask him to come to my locker and I'd just tell him that I'm tired of being the only one who is trying. But I cry. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't feel love, I can't feel pain. I feel nothing.

[2NDFLOOR]

It is important that you make decisions that reflect what you want to do and what is best for you. Sometimes letting someone go is difficult in the short term, especially if you still have feelings for them, but better in the long term because you can allow yourself to move forward to a healthier relationship. The same is true of friends. Friends are people that you enjoy spending time with because they are positive influences in your life and make you feel better about yourself. There can be times when we keep negative people in our lives because we are scared to lose them or of hurting their feelings, and unfortunately we are the ones that suffer in those instances. Make decisions that are in your best interest and do things that are right for you. Call us anytime or text us Friday nights at 908-280-0235.

[Unregistered]

A Good Response

I figured it would be good to make you aware of what's happened since the last time I was on 2ndfloor. First of all, Angel started dating Clyde. Everyone knew it was a bad idea, but we let Angel figure out on her own how terrible he actually was. We all even started talking to him again to make her happy. Everyone loves Angel, I know I do. In the end, they broke up because apparently Clyde had a "bad dream" that it wasn't going to work out and that they weren't going to be friends any more. Instead, he stopped talking to everyone and found a new group of friends. Angel went through a rough time because of it, but I stayed by her through it all. Another thing is I am in a relationship with Nick!! We've been together for a bit more than two months now and I'm so happy to be with him. He makes everything a lot easier, but for a while we were going through a bit of a dilemma. So Bonnie and I were still talking when Nick and I started dating, but I started to notice that she was getting extremely jealous of our relationship. She would take me out on days that she knew Nick and I were supposed to hang out. She even convinced me that it was a good idea to be single again. Unfortunately, I was so stuck in her web that I didn't realize that there was something wrong. We were about to break up, but then I had a talk with Nick and we worked everything out. That's when she got ruthless. Bonnie started sending Nick very rude text messages using every curse word in the book. At first he didn't tell me because Bonnie and I were already running on a thin line, he didn't want to be the reason as to why our friendship would end. I was so mad at her, but I was afraid if I ended my friendship with her, I would lose Angel. It just kept getting worse and worse, but I kept holding on so I could still talk to Angel. But it just got to the point where I stopped talking to her? I'm sure that wasn't the best solution at the time. I didn't really know what to do We got our parents involved in the situation and said they would help if it got worse, but I just didn't want to be her friend anymore. It was not worth it anymore. It didn't work out as well as I wanted it to. She started to send me those messages. In one of them she threatened to fight me. Ultimately, she ruined my prom, prom weekend, and my choir trip. I had to turn off my phone and give it to someone else just to avoid the temptation of touching my phone. I wasn't eating, sleeping, I was always crying. I couldn't even hide my emotions in school. One day, she confronted me asking me what my problem was. The teachers were worried for me. Most of them knew of the situation anyways and said that they would help me through it. I'm an honors and highly respect student, obviously they would believe me more. Not to mention the fact that I had nothing to hide. I told her what my problem was, but she didn't think it was a good enough reason. Bonnie said she sent those messages because she was "mad" at us. Regardless of how mad you are, you do not act that way. And on that same day, I ended our friendship. I haven't been this happy in a while. I wish that I would have ended it with Bonnie and Clyde a long time ago. Because now, my grades are improving, I'm reconnecting with my old friends, and my relationship with Nick has never been better. I thank you for helping me through this.

[Guest]

They really do say that once something is posted on the internet, it stays there forever. This is the anonymous user from three years ago. I find that it is only fair I continue to update everyone on my life. Well, at least one more time. Maybe I'll come back in another three years with some more information. Since my last 2nd Floor post, I have started college and am studying to be a teacher. Surprisingly, I am no longer with Nick! We dated for over two years and soon realized that he was not what I wanted at all. Truthfully, it was relieving to read "He makes everything a lot easier," because I find that is the sole reason as to why I dated him in the first place. In essence, I used him because I needed someone to be there for me. It's a shame that I hurt him that way I did, but after everything I have overcome I've learned to move on quite quickly from experiences like that. Another twist in the story, I am gay! Full blown lesbian. Again, just another reason why I broke up with him. Currently, my heart belongs to a girl that I could write a novel about, but I will keep it simple and sweet. The feelings I had for Clyde are mere puppy love compared to what I feel for her. I'm twenty years old now (which is quite young and still leaves a lot of time to grow), but I can assure you all that she is the one I am going to spend the rest of my life with. Granted, there are a few obstacles in the way at the moment, but I am telling you here first, 2nd Floor: I plan to marry this woman. The next time I come back, I hope to have an engagement ring wrapped around my finger. She is the best thing to ever come into my life, and, truthfully, I would go through all that bullshit again if I knew I was going to be with her in the end. We've been seeing each other for almost a year now. I had to take some time off from school though; I'm trying to save up for my own place and needed more work hours. Sometime this April-May I will have an apartment, a cutie who has my heart, and will continue to work on being the very best version of myself. I intended on writing this because I want you all to realize that life is not going to go the way you plan it. Heck, I know I'm determined to be with this girl forever, but that doesn't mean that it's actually going to happen. And from these experiences I have learned to accept the fact that nothing is set in stone. So instead of trying to take control of every minuscule piece of your life just enjoy what is right in front of you first. I know I'm young and have a long way to go, so do all of you. But that doesn't mean stop trying to achieve your dreams. I want to thank my school counselor for introducing me to 2nd Floor as well as the founders of this program. It is truly a remarkable website and, hopefully, it will continue to expand and help those in need just like it helped me.

[2NDFLOOR]

Wow! Thank you for sharing! You write a very powerful message. I would like to quote some of your words that I hope others take away-

"... And from these experiences I have learned to accept the fact that nothing is set in stone. So instead of trying to take control of every minuscule piece of your life just enjoy what is right in front of you first. I know I'm young and have a long way to go, so do all of you. But that doesn't mean stop trying to achieve your dreams."

We are glad to hear how happy you are Thank you for thanking us!! 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline is also here 24/7 by call/text at 888-222-2228. Keep us updated and stay positive!