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I don't know what to do

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  • I don't know what to do

    As I write this I'm extremely drunk and I'm only 19, I don't know what to do with myself. My dad recently passed away from cancer and although I know he wouldn't want me to feel this way I still do, and probably worse. I'm so pissed off and anxious I don't know what to do. I'm constantly thinking about slashing my arm or leg open but I can't because I don't know what that would mean for me, the fact I can't know for certain what happens after death makes me even more angry for some reason. I never thought I would feel this way, and I'm not even sure if I want to be put out of my misery. It's like I want to die and don't at the same time and I have no idea how to express myself otherwise. I swear I cannot think straight and I feel like there is no solution. Fuck me and fuck this world I'm done with life before it even started.

  • #2
    Glad you reached out and I am sorry for your loss. Losing someone you are close to is hard and time can help heal but it doesn't take it away of course. Grief Speaks can help or here is a link that has other agencies support at this time can be really helpful to not feel alone, because you are not alone! Grief has a way of making you feel alone and angry and sad and guilty all at once and you are faced with the reality of mortality and it sounds like that is what you are describing. Its okay to not be okay during this, grief is hard but if you feel that you don"t want to live then please call 988 or 2NFLOOR right away so you can get help. Even reach out to a trusted person in your life. Call or text us at 888-222-2228 for further help.


    • #3
      I am having a lot of trouble with my 18 year old son. He is addicted to video games and social media. He says he is worthless and a burden. He has also told me he was gay, then bi, then non-binary. Now he says he wants to be a woman. I believe it is due to social contagion. Although he was able to get through a semester of county college, he is now saying that he's not sure he can go through with the rest of his education. He is in therapy with some one from Interactive Kids. She does nothing for him. It's online and she is useless. I have no one to turn to. He is on medication. He has a psychiatrist. He is unmotivated and a terrible worker. He worked at a hotel and they do not want him back because he is such a poor worker. I don't know what to do. his father has a nother family and gets very frustrated with him. He is no help. What should I do? I don't want his life to be ruined. I am at a loss.


      • #4
        Your frustration is heard, it can be difficult when we see a loved one doing things in life that we don't agree with or understand. If you are unhappy with the therapist, switch to a new one. Not all therapist/client relationships work. Maybe they would benefit from someone else, maybe even someone specializing in LGBTQ+ issues. Maybe taking a break from school if they are struggling would be helpful fto try to get together and then go back in a better mindspace. Especially if that is what they are asking to do. The work ethic you describe is really something you have no control over. They would have to be willing to put in an effort in order to want an employer to keep him there. Aside from stressing the importance of having a strong work ethic, there is little you can do to make them be a better worker. There is a program called Mobile Response in NJ that will come to your location and do therapy. If you are interested, their number is 877-652-7624. Best wishes in your relationship and frustrations.


        • #5
          Thank you for reaching out. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your father. Grief can bring on a variety of different emotions. Sometimes it makes people feel alone, angry, and upset. The time after losing a loved one is challenging and confusing which is why it is important to reach out to a trusted individual and express what you are thinking and feeling. If you would like to continue chatting, please reach out via call or text. Our phone number is 888-222-2228. Also, please call 988 if these self-harm ideations continue.


          • #6
            *This reply is a response to the 3rd comment on this post regarding the individual's son who plays a lot of video games*

            Hi, thank you for reaching out to 2NDFLOOR. Based off of the information you provided, I suggest looking into other therapy options for your son. Although it can be frustrating, sometimes it takes meeting with and talking to multiple therapists before a person clicks with one. I am sure you will find a professional who will be able to work well with your son. Teenage years can be a difficult time to truly connect with your kids. However, I think it is important that you constantly remind him that you love and care about him and encourage him to discuss what he is thinking and feeling when he is ready. If you think it would help, you can also encourage him to reach out to 2NDFLOOR. Sometimes talking to an anonymous, unbiased party can make a huge difference. He can reach us via call or text. Our phone number is 888-222-2228.


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