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This has been bothering me...

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  • This has been bothering me...

    I talked a bit about this in another post but...I have an ex friend. I think she may have been jealous of my and i dont know why should would be, but whatever the reason, she treated me like complete shit. I was nothing but a sort of punching bag for her to let out her anger. She said I was self centered and thought of myself as above everyone else but I wasn't. It also turns out that she tried to spread rumors about me. We got into a big fight over what she said about me and she told her friends from other towns what happened. They made a group chat and started yelling at about how terrible of a friend i was to the girl. What really happened was that she was a terrible friend and despite her hating me, I would always love her and be there for her if she needed help. I would always forgive her, even when she didn't even apologize, which was usually the case. This time I didn't want to stay by her and forgive her because after years and years of putting up with her using me, I'm just tired of it. She made everyone go against me for liking her boyfriend. when I actually started crushing on him before she even noticed him. She would never even defend me when I was being bullied right in front of her eyes. She spread rumors, tried to strip me of my friends, and always, always copied everything I did and denied it or accused me of copying her. She would always lead on the boys that had crushes on her and accept their presents and cards when she didn't even like them back. She ruined the the relationships of multiple people, including mine. She was the one that told me I should meet him but then kissed him while he and I we had something and then hid it from me for months and I only found out because someone else told me. She would never look out for me and keep secrets from me and most of those secrets involved me. When I explained this to her friends, one of them mentioned that her friend committed suicide and people blamed her but "because she's a Christian" she forgave them. Now, I'm also a Christian, but they all accused me of not being a "true Christian" because I wasn't able to forgive the girl. I know they were just saying things to make me feel guilty, but am I a bad person for not being able to forgive her?

    also, she still really, really, bothers me even if shes doing nothing. Just seeing her makes me feel so angry and betrayed. Every time I see her I feel so stupid for ever trusting her or anyone at all. She left me with a sort of trauma and now I have a hard time trusting and opening up to others, even people I've been close with for years, and sometimes its especially them because I was friends with this girl for so long. Because of my experiences with her, I have a fear of being rejected, unwanted, and used and as a teenager, its really hard to "survive" with those fears. My friends even said that they don't like that I'm not open while they open up about everything. i explained to them that I'm kind of unable to but I don't know if they understand it.

  • #2
    This sounds like a really stressful and emotionally draining situation. After what you experienced, it makes alot of sense that you have trouble trusting your friends. If you want to talk about this further please reach out to us on our talk or chat lines at 888-222-2228. They are both available 24/7.


    • #3
      I don't think you're a bad person for not forgiving her. It sounds like she was a really bad friend to you and there's nothing saying that you need to forgive her. I understand how this can really hurt you emotionally and prevent you from opening up, but I want you to know to know that it gets better. It always gets better and one day you'll find your perfect bestfriend and he/she will understand and wait for you to open up to them. Your fears will either go away with time, or you will end up having to face them. I don't think you did anything wrong here and I just want you to keep trying to work through it. It does get better.


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