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  • Help?/ Confused

    So I am in high school, and I am not doing so well.
    in 6-7th grade, I found out that I had feelings for a girl, and I had previously had feelings for a boy. I had told my mom that I was bisexual, and she accepted me for that. Now I am beginning to figure out that I didn't feel biexual, bust still had feelings for other people, but at the same time not sexual feelings, just snuggly.

    I also know that I am not cis-gender, but I am not sure what I am. I don't like that I have a chest, or what is between my legs, but I don't necessarily want to be a boy. I told my mom that I was gender fluid, but I am not sure about that. My mom hasn't been accepting with the fact that I have been changing what I feel about myself/gender/sexuality, I don't know what to do.
    i have been cutting for over 3 years, hitting the most frequent earlier this year, cutting almost every day. During this period of finding my sexuality and gender, I had become very confused, and upset, making me cut.

    I don't want to repeat this cycle, van one of you please help?

  • #2
    I'm really glad you're reaching out to get some support! It sounds like it's been really confusing, and even painful, to navigate your own sexual orientation and gender identity. It's awesome that you felt comfortable enough to tell your mom about your changing thoughts and feelings. Being open about your own self-discovery is very brave thing to do! However, it sounds like your mom wasn't as supportive as you'd like her to be in your quest to understand yourself and that may have been hurtful. Discovering your own sexual-orientation and gender identity is a journey and everyone's experience is unique. It's completely okay and totally normal for you to keep discovering new parts of yourself along the way! There is no expected timeline for you to have a solid sense of your identity. Although it may be uncomfortable to not have a full understanding of yourself in the moment, it can be beneficial to offer yourself compassion and patience while you grow. Additionally since you mentioned you're in high school and the middle of adolescence, it is important to know that it's also normal to have conflicting feelings about the changes your body may be going through during this time. Puberty is a journey in and of itself! As for your mom, it sounds like things may be confusing for her too. While she may need her own room to grow and adjust, it sounds like she cares about you very much. Is there anyone else you trust with these thoughts/feelings, such as a friend or counselor? Having a safe space to express yourself is very valuable and can help with the confused/upset feelings you discussed. You can also check out these links for more information on the gender spectrum and "coming out":

    http://www.thetrevorproject.org/section/YOU
    https://www.genderspectrum.org/resou...ns-2/#more-428

    I also want to take some time to address the cutting behavior you were brave enough to discuss. It sounds like you've been trying to cope the best you can with the painful emotions you've been experiencing. Is anyone else aware of the self-injury you engage in? Although it may be frightening, sharing your experience is the first step to receiving more support (something you're doing a great job of right now!) If you haven't already, speaking to an adult you trust about your self-injury can help you to receive more resources in terms of coping in healthier ways, such as getting connected with a counselor or therapist. Speaking to a counselor/therapist can assist you with processing your emotions and developing new and safer ways to express them. Therapy can also be a safe space for you to continue exploring your identity. If you'd like to pursue counseling/therapy, you can find available professionals in your area at www.psychologytoday.com. You can also check out http://sioutreach.org/ for support with thoughts/urges related to cutting. Again, it's awesome that you're expressing yourself in a healthy way by reaching out to us! If you'd like any further support, we're available via call and text 24/7 at 888-222-2228. Thank you for contacting 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline!

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