Closeted and afraid.

[Guest]

I have been struggling with my gender identity for a pretty long time now. I had recently come out to my school as transgender non-binary, which means I prefer they/them pronouns. However, I rarely get the "there's only two genders" argument, but oh well. But ever since I had come out, there have been a lot of questions coming from my friends asking about whether or not I came out to my parents; that's the issue. My parents already have mixed feelings about me not being heterosexual before, but I'm even more scared of how they would react when I tell them that I no longer identify as their daughter.

My father has already proved himself to be homophobic and transphobic. My mother just doesn't seem to care, and thinks I'm too young to know my sexuality, let alone my gender, which makes no sense to me; I'm 14. I have this theory that if I can have a valid opinion about a pressing issue in our society that makes sense, then I'm old enough to know who I like, and I'm old enough to know what I feel comfortable in. I'm extremely scared that I'll get kicked out of my house if I come out, for i have nowhere to go.

Please help!

- Avery

[2NDFLOOR]

I'm so glad you're reaching out for some support! I commend you for your bravery in sharing your non-binary gender identity with those at school. Additionally, it sounds like you have also shown courage in expressing to your parents that you do not identify as heterosexual. However, I'm sorry to hear that your parents' responses range from invalidating to disapproving. It takes strength to be able to feel secure in your identity, despite the misunderstandings of others. Although your parents might have difficulty understanding your sexual orientation or gender identity, you seem to have a strong support system in your friends. Having the emotional support and acceptance of at least one person can be extremely meaningful as you navigate your journey. Don't hesitate to lean on your friends when you're feeling lost or unsure.

While you have already expressed your gender identity to those at school, this does not mean you have to come out to your parents immediately afterwards. Coming out is often a process, and a very personal one at that. You can take as much or as little time as you need to. Whether it be weeks, months, years; it's entirely up to you. Although your friends' questions may seem pressuring, it's important to feel secure in YOUR decision of when to share your identity with others. In navigating this part of your journey, it may be helpful to hear the experiences of others who made the decision to come out to loved ones. You can check out coming out experiences here: http://www.rucomingout.com/. Regardless of if, when, or how you decide to come out to your parents, providing them with some education regarding gender identity and sexual orientation may be beneficial. You can check out some material here: https://www.genderspectrum.org/. Also, you can reach out to The Trevor Project if you need another safe space to talk. They provide services to LGBTQ youth 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386. You can check out their website for info about online chatting and texting: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/. 2NDFLOOR is available 24/7 via call or text at 888-222-2228. Please don't hesitate to contact us if you need any further support. Thank you for reaching out to 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline!