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Somewhat gay, will others be okay?

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  • Somewhat gay, will others be okay?

    Hi 2ndfloor,
    i wrote this story (well not story, more like summary of what happened) the other day when i got home from school. It is 100% true. I changed the names of my friends and my crush for reasons of being anonymous. I really need some advice and have been waiting awhile for the message board to open up again so i could post it so here is the story:

    She pulls me out into the hall outside of the cafeteria.
    “Do you like me?” she asks
    I dart my head left and right while blushing uncontrollably. Partly because the love of my life just talked to me, but also because i was embarrassed “Shhh!”
    She stares at me, confused.
    “Okay,” i start to whisper to her “I have a killer crush on you,” this makes her blush.
    “So, you are gay too?” she whispers smiling
    I don't know what to make of the situation. It is like all of my secrets are pouring out.
    “No, i am bi. Now you and Kelly are the only ones who know. Do not tell anyone. No one! Do you hear me?”
    She nods. “But when are you planning on coming out?”
    I close my eyes “ i don't know”
    “Well, i hope it is soon. I like you too.” She smiles at me and gets closer.
    My body is tingling. How did she know that i like her?
    I kiss her and she kisses back. It is the best thing i have ever experienced.
    We stare at each other with lust in our eyes.
    “So,” Sam starts “I like you, and you like me, be my girlfriend?”
    “I really want that but,” i stare down at my shoes “i'm not out”
    She looks upset, “oh, right.”
    I grab her hand and start leading her back into the cafeteria.
    “What are you doing!?” she says.
    “Coming out.” i say back.
    We stop in the middle of the cafeteria and i turn around, pull her in and kiss her. Sparks fly and...

    The bus jolts me back into my sad life. I can't stop thinking about her. I can't stop thinking about how i am going to come out.
    I know Sam and I will never be. She is a senior and i am a freshmen. She barely knows i exist.
    I haven't told anyone about my crush but i have told one person about my orientation.
    My best friend, Kelly, is the only person who knows that i am bisexual.
    Here i am, sitting alone on this bus, fantasizing on my love that could never be.
    My heart skips a beat when i see her in the hallway. When our eyes happen to lock, i immediately pull my phone out of my pocket and pretend that i am checking it. All i am really thinking is how much of a fool i made myself by jolting my head away.
    She has started to notice me more i think. Especially after other other day:

    I walked into the bathroom right as she was leaving. When i saw her i practically shut down. She said hi as i walked past her. I tried to say hi back but the words didn't come out.
    I locked myself in a stall and almost cried at my stupidity.

    I think she was staring at me today. But, i don't know.
    I usually pretend that i am looking out the window when i am really looking at her.
    I like the days when Kelly isn't there. then i could just look at her without having to worry about anything except her looking back at me.
    I wish that my crush could be on a boy. I really do. But it sucks because i think that i have fallen in love with this girl.

    So, this has really been stressing me out. I'm a girl who is bi. The girl i like has had girlfriends so i know i have some sort of a chance. I really like her.
    I just need advice on coming out to my clueless family and on how to show my crush that i like her.
    Until Next Time,
    Somewhat gay, will others be okay?

  • #2
    This must be very difficult for you to deal with. Do you have a Gay-Straight Alliance in your school? If you do you should attend a meeting. It would be helpful for you to know that you're not in this alone and there are many people who support all sexual orientations. There is no right or wrong way to come out but it is important to be ready for any type of reaction from your family and friends. They might support you right from the start or they might be very upset and say things they do not mean. Please check out the following resources for additional support; Gay Youth Peer Listening Line, the number is 800-399-7337. You can talk to other people who are going through and feeling what you feel. Also is a good website where you can read articles and find online chats. You can also contact 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline @ 888-222-2228. We are here 24/7.


    • #3
      Somewhat gay, will others be okay?

      If you are questioning your sexuality, or feel as though you will not excepted if you "come out", forming your identity can be really challenging. Thoughts about whether or not something is wrong with you, if you are more attracted to boys or girls and if it is girls, what this means for you in future relationships are probably circling through your head, and from your post it is clear you are really struggling to remain hidden, but also fear coming out. I just want you to know that being bisexual is completely natural, and that, since no one else talks about being attracted to the same or both sexes, you probably feel isolated and alone. I promise you that you aren't and there are many other girls, probably some of your friends, who feel the same way but are just as scared as you to speak up. Think about it this way, none of your friends, other than Kelly, no how you feel. If one of them was in the same situation as you, she would probably feel just as you do - alone, and she is thus unlikely to bring it up to you. I encourage you to look into some LGBTQ support groups, either online, at a local community center, or even at your schools guidance counseling center. talking to someone else in your similar situation will probably make you feel a lot better, and don't hesitate to call 2ND floor, we are here to help (:


      • #4
        somewhat gay, will others be okay?

        if your a sarcastic person like i suggest you come out to your parents first your story was really cute and i wish i had a love story like that but when you come out to your parents you should make them a cake and on it it will say GUESS WHOS BI and yeah just leave that on the table and you will know they are okay with it if you come home and you see they have eaten the cake and come on who doesn't like cake. so yeah ps im bi to and when i came out i found out my best friend was too and i think im gonna ask him out this weekend so wish me luck


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