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I'm Losing Myself
I've been battling depression for 3+ years, and I'm so damaged. For the longest time, I told myself that I was never going to get into self harm. Last weekend, that all changed. As I watched the blood trickle down my arm, I was relieved. Now I've gotten myself into this unhealthy mindset. I'm struggling with school, my sexual orientation, and family issues. I have all these obstacles in my head, and I can no longer identify them. I talk to my school guidance counselor regularly, but it doesn't feel like it's helping. Are my problems too extreme? I'm not suicidal, but mentally, I don't know how long I'll last. I need help, but my family doesn't have the money. They don't know that I cut myself, but it'd destroy them if they did. It's taking everything within me to get through this. I need help...
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I'm so sorry that you have been going through such a difficult time and feeling depressed. You mentioned feeling depressed for 3 years, so besides talking to your guidance counselor have you tried talking to a professional counselor on a regular basis? It sounds like it would be beneficial for you to do that if you haven’t. Seeing a professional therapist or psychiatrist weekly can help you learn some coping skills to handle your feelings and have a safe space to open up about what you are struggling with, often just talking things through can help you feel better and they can discuss medication if it is necessary. Listen, it’s great that you talked to your guidance counselor so maybe take the next step and ask him/her about bringing your parents in to talk about getting outside help. There are places that have sliding scales when it comes to money, so don’t worry about that just reach out for help. Here is the number for NJ Mental Health Cares at 866-202-4357, they can provide numbers for therapist in your area.
I also want to mention that it’s good that you can recognize that self-harm is not a healthy coping strategy so getting help sooner will only allow you to start feeling better and not continue to self-harm. If you want to talk about this or anything, call 2ndfloor 24/7 @ 888-222-2228 or text between 12-8 PM daily. We are here to help. Here is a helpful resource, Teen Self Injury, you can call at (800) DONTCUT 366-8288 or visit website @ www.self-injury.net
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