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Recently, I came out as bisexual. Inside I knew that I liked girls a lot more, so I started telling people I was a lesbian. I find myself thinking that some men are attractive, but I would never be in a relationship with them. I didn't make that a big deal because some gay men think women are beautiful. I don't know what it means really. Am I bisexual or a lesbian? I've been beating myself up over this. I've had boyfriends before, but it doesn't feel right to me. I want to have a serious relationship with a girl. I sometimes fantasize me dating a man, but I shut the idea down. Is it me being scared of the difference between males and females? Do I call myself a lesbian because I'm more comfortable with girls? These are things I ask myself all the time. Also, my family openly supports gay rights, so I've grown up loving gay people, admiring them to say the least. I've always been independent and seeking to be different than anyone else. I almost wonder if I'm subconsciously deciding to be a lesbian to be diverse from others. I feel like this is a huge step to finding who I am as an individual. I would love to hear what you have to say. Thanks!
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Thank you for your post. It definitely sounds like you are going through a confusing time. As much as it may not seem it you have many parts of it figured out as I read your post...you're just letting your brain analyze yourself too much as if there has to be an absolute answer to who you are right away! To start, I am happy to hear that you grew up in a family that supports gay rights and that you love to be unique, but in my opinion I wouldn't say that those things would "make" you a lesbian. Feelings are natural and in many cases when it comes to the laws of attraction uncontrollable. You would know if you were forcing something...and you mentioned the perfect example...you fantasize about a man, then shut it down. This is an example of a feeling (whether it is to start a feeling or stop a feeling) being forced. You also said that you find some guys attractive but would never date them. Never is a strong word. Many girls find girls attractive and many guys find guys attractive, yet are straight. It seems like you speak very positively without force about your feelings for girls so just go with it. Why do you have to have an answer right now about whether you are bisexual or lesbian? I understand that you feel like this is a huge step in finding out who you are as an individual, but maybe you just need more time until you get to that point. I mean you just came out after all. There are a lot of changes going on around you. You are still growing and learning about yourself each and every second. Give yourself the gift of time and don't put so much pressure on yourself about needing to make a definitive choice. In this case you will figure yourself out naturally as you continue to meet different girls and guys...trying to force it is what is making you second guess this. For now just focus on letting your heart lead you instead of your noisy head. Our minds can easily play tricks on us, but when you get that feeling...that certain butterfly feeling throughout your body that is something you can start to trust. If you would like to talk about this further please give us a call at the 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline. We are here 24/7 at 888-222-2228. You can also text us daily at this number between 4pm and 8pm. Good luck!
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