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I'm a senior in high school, and last year arguably destroyed me. It was so rough as far as the classes I was in and the pressure I was under. I did homework 24/7, and I was miserable and stressed out the entire year. From about January to March I had thoughts of self-harm, but I was always too scared to act on them. Over the summer I was diagnosed with IBS and Lactose Intolerance, two results of the stress my body had experienced throughout that year. As summer progressed I became more and more depressed and withdrawn, losing motivation to do anything. The only thing keeping me going was my job, which was at a Girl Scout camp, where I absolutely love spending my time. It kept me sort of happy throughout the summer, but since school has started again, I've been slipping. My IBS gets worse the more stressed I am, which has been increasing. I had a falling out with someone that I had been really close with for about 5 years, and she dragged a few of my other friends with her when we stopped being friends. I don't miss her per se, since over the past 6 months she's really changed and I don't like who she's become, I'm upset about the things she said to me. She called me an attention seeker, and I never thought I was one, but what if I am? She said I only told people my grandfather died to get people to pity me, that I didn't love him, which isn't true, but it still hurt. She basically destroyed anything that was left of my self-confidence, and I've felt really empty since then. And in addition to my grandfather recently passing, my mom has been super sad and angry, and it's made the whole household tense. I feel like my father is sometimes verbally abusive, which is hard to admit because I love him, but the things he says isn't normal. And then there's college applications and scholarships to be stressed about, as well as my grades in school, which have been slipping. I'm stressed about everything and it feels like I panic about the little things. I was given notice today about an anatomy test tomorrow, only 8 questions, and she gave us the exact questions to study today, but I feel like I'm going to throw up because I'm so anxious. My mom told me she had a surprise for me and I nearly passed out in fear. And I feel like no one in my family understands it because they just tell me to not freak out but I can't do that, it's like my brain just completely goes haywire. And I always forget to do my homework, and I generally just can't find the motivation to do anything responsible or productive anymore, and I don't know why. My mom has suggested making a list of things I have to do, or making a schedule, but what she doesn't understand is that to me, writing it down only acknowledges the things that are looming over my head, and it makes me more nervous. Additionally, it's not even that I forget so much, it's just that I have no energy/will/motivation to do it at all. I just am really struggling and I need someone who's not going to sit here and just nod their head at me like my friends do, someone who's not going to try to find the silver lining instead of helping like my dad does, someone to give me suggestions other than what my mom has been saying because it's clearly not working. I just don't know where else to turn, which, I guess, is why I'm here.
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I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so much stress. First of all, I am glad you did not act on your thoughts of self-harm because that absolutely does not fix your problems or your feelings. There are always other ways... So when it comes to the medical issues, it seems the more you find relaxation and peace the less symptoms you will have. Let's start with your friend that you had a falling out with. I'm sure you've heard the saying "friends will come and go" , and it's true. That is a part of life. You will have friends in your early childhood, that you will not have in middle school as you will have friends in middle school that you will no longer have in high school; you will move on to college and start a completely different life that you did not have in high school; and even further in your future the people in your life throughout your adulthood you have not even met right now and they are out there somewhere in this world. This friend that you are no longer friends with does not define you. She does not get to dictate who you are as a person and her opinions about you do not matter. You can not let her ideas control your feelings. ...only this understanding you can come to terms with yourself. Also, when it comes to attention- everyone wants some sort of attention, everyone wants to be heard, listened to , loved, supported, accepted...and that is ok. I'm sorry that you lost your grandfather. Losing a loved one is never easy especially when you see the hurt other family members are going through. Everyone goes through grief differently and the natural course of time will heal this, it cannot be forced. Your mom is going through her own grief and you have to try your best to not let her grieving process be yours. Unfortunately you can't control what comes out of your father's mouth so do your best to separate your self from these moments...walk away, go to another room, put in headphones, etc. When it comes to school work, that honestly comes a day at a time. Prioritizing and scheduling your time is the only way to handle this. You also have to tell yourself that doing your best is all that matters..if you do poorly on a test , oh well try again next time. That happens. Nobody is perfect and no one is always going to succeed in everything. Failures are a part of life. Mistakes are a part of life. If you know you put your all in then that is always what is most important. If making lists make you more anxious then you know that doesn't work for you. However, if you are forgetting about your homework then that should be something you write down in your planner. So most importantly when do you find time to relax and do things that could make you happy....going to the gym, working out at home, going for a walk/run, doing yoga, meditating/deep breathing exercises, reading, drawing, painting, listening to music, playing a sport, joining a club, playing an instrument, signing, dancing, cooking, baking, gardening. These are all ways that people de-stress, relax, have fun, increase happiness, etc. It's up to you to fit this into your life though, no one can make you. Have you ever thought about speaking to a counselor or a therapist? It seems that you would benefit from meeting with some weekly to help guide your thoughts and emotions. This could be something that you may want to talk to your mom about. You should check out this website... www.reachout.com
If you would like to talk about this further or anything else you can call or text us here at the 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline. We are here 24/7 at 888-222-2228.
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