I feel so extra

[Guest]

So last week, I started feeling triggered and wanted external validation for my existance, when I saw people from high school interacting with each other, and when I follow them, they never follow me back or interact with me. It's an insecurity thing btw, the more logically you try to explain it, the dumber it sounds because it's heavily emotional based. So I became really hyped, and starting following like the same 5 people who I keep following and unfollowing to try to get them to follow me! I know it's really extra, but when I fall into this dark hole of mania mixed with abandonment, crap like this happens. I'm so intimidated, because now it's proabaly obvious I'm desperate. I never really liked them, and they used to for some reason be intimidated by me and were bullies in elemntary. LOL I'm in college now btw. I think I want them to follow me so that they can see what I'm up to, like I mentioned it's an external validation -- when the people who dislked you because they thought you were unapproachable see that you're thriving -- It seems like a booster. Anyways, I took a break by the way. But I can't help but think how desperate I've come off!

[2NDFLOOR]

I’d like to say that you have a great amount of insight towards your own emotions and behaviors! You recognized what set you off, how you felt, and how you chose to cope with it. It can be helpful to return to what led you to feel triggered, if that feels safe, and consider if there’s a better way to get your understandable need for external validation met. It sounds like you’re in a pretty vulnerable place right now and could use some support! It makes sense to want the acknowledgment and approval of those who dislike you, and have even bullied you in the past. That doesn’t make you “desperate”, it makes you human. Though you might want to consider that you don’t even like these people, and never have! I’m glad that you can reflect on your own thriving! Is it possible to celebrate that with people you actually care about, or even just with yourself? It might not give you the same kind of gratification, though it’s probably much more attainable. Please reach out to us at 888-222-2228 via call or text if you’d like to talk about this more. Thank you for contacting 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline!

[Guest]

Hi there, just here for some support I hear you completely! Please don't feel "stupid" or beat yourself up for it, I understand that feeling of wanting these individuals to see your success and progress, as it might feel reaffirming and somewhat healing for what you've gone through in your younger years. To play devil's advocate: the chances of bumping into them in real life is very low! Think about it - even if let's say they did give you that follow back, etc. It might give you momentarily dopamine rush, but how else is it gonna serve you? Something to think about. Keep your head up! There's only 24 hours a day, and every second is SO valuable, NO ONE is so important to be giving away your peace of mind.
Take care.