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Hey. I'm dying on the inside. I talked to 837r8934782794 different hotlines and crisis lines, every single fucking one of them made me feel WORSE. So please for gods sake do not send me a link for the hotline because I will lose it. I am so desperate I cut myself for the first time. I don't care anymore. I don't want to die, but that's the only think to make me feel better. Nothing else makes me feel better. I need it to be dramatic to feel better. I need pain associated with it. IF I told my therapist, I worry about her reponse. I don't want to go to any ward or something. I don't even think its necessary. I just need love. Lots of love to heal, not meds. Not a hospital. I need home. I need safe vibes. And it's my birthday, and I regret that day I was born.
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I am glad you reached out to 2NDFLOOR for support. It sounds like you have been going through a lot. Im also glad to hear you have a therapist for support, but it is important to be honest otherwise he/she will not be able to provide you with the right treatment. I also want you to know that you are not alone, whether you feel like that or you feel that hotlines made you feel worse... people are here to help and want to listen. Often times when one feels overwhelmed with sadness or anxiety it can make you feel hopeless or like no one understands and that’s part of depression. But there is hope and with help from a therapist and time you can learn the tools to help yourself feel better emotionally. Could you try some coping techniques in the mean time? It is important to make a list of things that might help. These are life coping skills not temporary tools, some suggestions could be watching a funny movie or podcast, listening to music, journaling, cleaning, being with animals or exercise. Whatever works for you!!
Also, here’s a link with some alternatives to self harming behavior @ http://www.selfinjury.bctr.cornell.e...iques-pm-2.pdf. I know you may not want links or hotlines but they truly can be very helpful when you are ready to use them. I must stress and say to you that If you do feel like you don't want to live any more, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-TALK 8255 or check out their website: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
You can always reach out to 2NDFLOOR by text or phone anytime at 888-222-2228. We are available 24/7. Keep your head up and I hope you have a happy New Year and Bday! -
I feel misunderstood in this post itself. Like if I said that the hotline isn't helpful, nor coping skills are, why emphasize it? Also, the reason I felt worse is that you have to understand that various traumatic events trigger certain thoughts, it's the thoughts that cause this. When speaking to different counselors for some support, each counselor has their own subconcious bias regarding certain topics and it becomes a whirlwind of 100000 different perceptives and it spins me out of control because I have no idea who to believe and what to think, so that out of control feeling is triggering in itself.
What is the point of "supprt" if welll, it doesn't help and makes it worse? It defeats the purpose if the intention is there, but the outcome is isnt. Like okay thank you, I know they want to help as they are in this field for a reason, doesn't mean anything if my problems are too complexed culterally, etc. that no one is properly trained to deal with them. Please understand that.Comment
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I forgot to also add: even if I'm not "alone", if I feel misunderstood with whoever is trying to not make me feel alone, my traumatic responses are amplified and will swing me ever more. That's whats a bit complex with my case.Comment
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Sorry you feel misunderstood. The response is to only try to help you and the providing of the hotlines and link is necessary as a mandated reporter, which we are.. meaning if someone mentions that they have thoughts of not wanting to live anymore it would be negligent to not provide you with a resource or encourage you to talk to us or someone. This in no way means you were not understood with what you mentioned but rather maybe try to offer another way of thinking. Please try to reconsider and reach out to your therapist and discuss your feelings. If you would like to talk about this further or anything please text or call us anytime at 888-222-2228.Comment
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Hey- would you like to talk to me instead? I know I'm not a professional of any sorts but maybe a friend- not a helpline- is what could help you a little better.Comment
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I'm reading your story and i use to be in your shoes. well, maybe not exactly but i use to self harm and actually one time i need in a classroom in 5th grade while my friends saw me. im 19 now and i stopped self harming last year. please if you ever need someone im here.Comment
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Im so sorry you are going through this, and I know how it feels when no one seems to understand my situation or my feelings. I am no professional, but I am a friend who is happy to provide love for you to heal <3Comment
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