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hello,
I'm very upset. I think there are somethings I am seeking from posting this: is my personal relief letting it out in a safe place and sorting my thoughts out, and (b) hopefully recieving some input, though I know it can be very complicated without a back and forth and only .
I've been long suffering from the moving on of the counselors/teachers support I had back in my senior year of HS, now as a soph in college.
The part that hurts me the most isn't necessarily the fact that they can no longer attain to my needs. I look at so many other professional who had given me emotional support, and most of the times, I have easier time letting go. Why is that? Because they haven't filled my head my the false comfort that they will still be there. Because I have the capacity to understand that a lot of what they do is tied to ethical boundaries that doesn't allow them to cross it regardless how much personally they may desire still being a support. What hurts me the most is the promises that they had filled me up with when I was at my peak. They all had the moral obligation to "terminate" their service they had provided me in the most reasonable way possible. I would have loved if we all sat down and discussed this, "No ------, we can't be there anymore". Instead of saying, "you have us", when there's like a week left of school. I'm a person, with feelings. Feelings of trust don't just shut off in a day or night. It's not human, it's robotic. What they did instead, is tell me that I can still visit as an alumni, and come back and let them know how I was doing. They failed me in a sense that they given me a semi colon instead of a period. They failed me because I dedicated a whole month before graduation to put a safe closure to it so that I don't feel this abonnement. This goes deep into the moral aspect that it was within their obligation and out of decency to follow their own boundaries, instead of making remarks of "I am here to support you if you need anything. Many alumnis come back and visit"... I hope you see what's wrong with that.
I still desire a clear up. Though a part of me knows it might not be so reasonable, neither WERE THEY REASONABLE. if it can bring me some relief, I will absolutely do that.
To have that happen to me because, justs adds more proof to why I should just shut down completely.
I am falling apart, and I am breaking down -- because this whole scenario played with my biggest fears, and most vulnerable places. They stirred up past hurts, and replicated my traumatic experiences they once tried to "help" me with, and promised to not let me down in the process.
And there's this fire inside of me that I feel like needs to be extinguished, and none of the conventional means will do that. My therapist agrees, it's almost like they took advantage of me.
Sometimes it helps to hear a perspective other than my therapist, ya know.
I'm very upset. I think there are somethings I am seeking from posting this: is my personal relief letting it out in a safe place and sorting my thoughts out, and (b) hopefully recieving some input, though I know it can be very complicated without a back and forth and only .
I've been long suffering from the moving on of the counselors/teachers support I had back in my senior year of HS, now as a soph in college.
The part that hurts me the most isn't necessarily the fact that they can no longer attain to my needs. I look at so many other professional who had given me emotional support, and most of the times, I have easier time letting go. Why is that? Because they haven't filled my head my the false comfort that they will still be there. Because I have the capacity to understand that a lot of what they do is tied to ethical boundaries that doesn't allow them to cross it regardless how much personally they may desire still being a support. What hurts me the most is the promises that they had filled me up with when I was at my peak. They all had the moral obligation to "terminate" their service they had provided me in the most reasonable way possible. I would have loved if we all sat down and discussed this, "No ------, we can't be there anymore". Instead of saying, "you have us", when there's like a week left of school. I'm a person, with feelings. Feelings of trust don't just shut off in a day or night. It's not human, it's robotic. What they did instead, is tell me that I can still visit as an alumni, and come back and let them know how I was doing. They failed me in a sense that they given me a semi colon instead of a period. They failed me because I dedicated a whole month before graduation to put a safe closure to it so that I don't feel this abonnement. This goes deep into the moral aspect that it was within their obligation and out of decency to follow their own boundaries, instead of making remarks of "I am here to support you if you need anything. Many alumnis come back and visit"... I hope you see what's wrong with that.
I still desire a clear up. Though a part of me knows it might not be so reasonable, neither WERE THEY REASONABLE. if it can bring me some relief, I will absolutely do that.
To have that happen to me because, justs adds more proof to why I should just shut down completely.
I am falling apart, and I am breaking down -- because this whole scenario played with my biggest fears, and most vulnerable places. They stirred up past hurts, and replicated my traumatic experiences they once tried to "help" me with, and promised to not let me down in the process.
And there's this fire inside of me that I feel like needs to be extinguished, and none of the conventional means will do that. My therapist agrees, it's almost like they took advantage of me.
Sometimes it helps to hear a perspective other than my therapist, ya know.
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