I don't feel like myself anymore.....

[Guest]

I guess you can have this as a mixture of the alone column, the want to cry section, and maybe a hint of self value and a few other things... But anyway, Hi I'm new hear and I just don't know where else to go. Last year I did do a lot of stupid stuff and it essentially "ruined my life", but in regards to that I have changed (hopefully) for the better. Or I have been trying to. I feel like my mental state has been crippling and it is almost gone. I have felt like I have lost myself. I do not feel like myself anymore and I feel like that is affecting everything in my life. In school I started to slip up and at the end of the semester It bit me in the ass, I still don't feel as if I can talk to my parents and I know that needs to change because I do need to find a way to open up to them and talk to them about specific things, I play sports year round and apparently my performance is lacking.

I right now have a small note book that I am trying to write everything that I think and feel. And some pretty deep shit is in it. I still want to cut, but I guess the good part is that I do not have the guts? or the full motivation? I don't know exactly which one, to actually pierce the skin. I have taken my keys and scraped them beating them on my upper forearm, telling myself I am lazy irresponsible and over and over again, saying I'm "worthless". I have also take then tip of my knife and scraped it along my things and forearms, but not hard enough to pierce the skin.

And as for love... I honestly want to say f**k it. I ask my friend if they could rip out my heart and remove my emotions and feelings....

I wish I could scream out loud, wish I could cry for hours on end. I keep letting my parents down, I stress out my friends and the peers that are close to me, and I don't want to get up in the morning. I don't have motivation. I just fall asleep and see darkness, a black void. Some nights I think if I do not wake up from that void, oh well....

But I want to find myself, I want to get my motivation back, I want to be responsible, turn my life around before I am stuck at county college and I ruin my life forever...




So I guess that's a huge chunk of whats been going on and how I have been feeling since the new year... but I don't want to fake my smile and fake my happiness anymore...

[2NDFLOOR]

So it sounds like you have a lot on your plate and sometimes it can feel like everything is happening at once for all of us, that's normal. So take a breather and keep things in perspective. It is okay to cry if you need to or scream loud to let things out or even rest if you need it, just remember to get up and move forward. Today is only lived once so seize the day! Tackle one task at a time, get some counseling for support, talk to your teachers/coach to see what you can do. Just do things for you to be able to cope in a healthy way, cutting is not a healthy outlet. Here is a link with some coping tools for anxiety @ https://adaa.org/tips. Hope this helps you some. This time will pass because everything does so keep your head up! If you want to talk about this or anything, please text or call 2NDFLOOR at 888-222-2228.

[Guest]

Sounds exactly like me