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So, about a year ago I had attempted suicide. I went to the hospital and they told me I had to go to an inpatient facility. Went there, got my 8 days there, was deemed mentally stable enough to go home, end of story. Well, these past few months have really been eating at me and I've considered checking myself back into a psych ward voluntarily. There's just a tiny problem with that... the people outside of the psych ward. For starters, there's my girlfriend, whom also has a lot of her own issues, and is really only hanging on because of me. I would not be comfortable being locked away without a phone for at minimum 3 days (I believe the minimum amount of time I could be there is 72 hours, if all goes well) and leaving her without any other support. Then there's also my mother, who will probably think I've actually gone insane to voluntarily put myself back in that place and will be pissed at me for having to put her through this again, and then my neighbors since I babysit their kids and I can't just disappear and leave them without a sitter. Basically, I feel like I'm falling down a hole, I feel like my best option is to check myself back into an inpatient facility, but that could ruin so many things for everyone else if I leave
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It sounds like you are a great support for quite a few people. It is kind that you are considering them in your plan, but there is a saying that you can't draw water from an empty well. You can really only productively help them if you are stable enough to help them and they should understand that. Perhaps you could try talking to your girlfriend about seeking out help for herself, maybe if she sees you seeking help she may be more inclined to do so. Also, bringing yourself to get help when you need it does not show others that you have gone "insane" it should have the opposite effect in showing others that you are responsible to be proactive instead of reactive. You are seeking help to prevent something bad from happening. I am sure your mother and your neighbor would understand that and would want you to be your best self. Ultimately, you know yourself best, if you feel you need the help chances are that you need it. You may have a shorter and more productive stay now if you go in voluntarily then if you go in due to and extreme circumstance. Please feel free to text/call us anytime at 1(888) 222-2228 we are available 24/7.
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