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Hi...
I need to vent right now, right this second. Im so overwhelemd by my emotions that I dont know how to word them anymore in a way that others will understnad me or emptathize with me; so bear with me. I got a new therapist maybe about 6 weeks ago, and I meet once a week with her. I am not benifiting from it??? I feel like in there, i am struggling to get my words out, but she's not "getting it", like I antcipated. I wrote her a long biography about specific things about my life that needs to be unveiled, but she havent read it completely, and unitionally disregarded it for weeks. No i didnt remind her, but I will, however as her job, she is supposed to ensure to have read it to make sure she understand where Im at and why i think the way i do. I mean like today, she just asked me the same questions that I literally broke down to 5 pages that she could have really understood it if she read it, I dont know how to say it without being rude. DO you know this feeling when there's no chemistry between therapist and client? LIKE SHES AMAZING. SO much experience and SO much experitse and compassion, but I dont sense the vibe that she understands me. I want to feel it. i feel it sometimes with some people whcih raraly happens, but now that I am opening myself up, I need that sense and feels of being intimiatly understood, in which I am not. Im just not a fan of her repsonses? Like I want someone with strong reactions... facial expressions, tone of voice, conviction. This is the 5th time I change therapists in a span of 10 months, and now Im being hopeless about this whole therapy thing or if its worth it anymore. NOne of my issues are being targeted, and none of my wants and needs are being met. Yeah all my previous therapists have offered me SOMETHING, but none of them were what I was initially looking for (which was basically what I listed). My parents are becoming more and more skeptical about therapy as now it seems useless and just not working, or clicking with anymore. Like I said, yeah the expertise and compassion is there, BUT the chemistry and "click-iness" just isnt there. IT never was their with any therapists, so now this is why im growing helpless and well, hopeless. I am going to make a mini connection: So I got a tutor last year. First time. My dad kept asking me how she was and if she was the right one. I just couldn't asnwer becuase I didnt have someone else better to compare to. But then I got another tutor, and its like everything that was missing that I couldnt name at that time, was there. Does that make sense? Please tell me it does, this was really hard to put into words. Same thing with a therpaist, and Im never going to know who's the right theraist and what's feels right until it happends. uNtil i find the "RIGHT" therapist, Im going to say that OH this is what I need to heal, that may still be subconcious now. Anyways, nothjing is worse than when your last resort is not working. Therapy was the last resort. You go to a doctor to fix whatever physical issue you have, becuase seriously no one else can. BUT NOW the "proffesional" person thats supposed to "doctor you down" just isnt effective......
I need to vent right now, right this second. Im so overwhelemd by my emotions that I dont know how to word them anymore in a way that others will understnad me or emptathize with me; so bear with me. I got a new therapist maybe about 6 weeks ago, and I meet once a week with her. I am not benifiting from it??? I feel like in there, i am struggling to get my words out, but she's not "getting it", like I antcipated. I wrote her a long biography about specific things about my life that needs to be unveiled, but she havent read it completely, and unitionally disregarded it for weeks. No i didnt remind her, but I will, however as her job, she is supposed to ensure to have read it to make sure she understand where Im at and why i think the way i do. I mean like today, she just asked me the same questions that I literally broke down to 5 pages that she could have really understood it if she read it, I dont know how to say it without being rude. DO you know this feeling when there's no chemistry between therapist and client? LIKE SHES AMAZING. SO much experience and SO much experitse and compassion, but I dont sense the vibe that she understands me. I want to feel it. i feel it sometimes with some people whcih raraly happens, but now that I am opening myself up, I need that sense and feels of being intimiatly understood, in which I am not. Im just not a fan of her repsonses? Like I want someone with strong reactions... facial expressions, tone of voice, conviction. This is the 5th time I change therapists in a span of 10 months, and now Im being hopeless about this whole therapy thing or if its worth it anymore. NOne of my issues are being targeted, and none of my wants and needs are being met. Yeah all my previous therapists have offered me SOMETHING, but none of them were what I was initially looking for (which was basically what I listed). My parents are becoming more and more skeptical about therapy as now it seems useless and just not working, or clicking with anymore. Like I said, yeah the expertise and compassion is there, BUT the chemistry and "click-iness" just isnt there. IT never was their with any therapists, so now this is why im growing helpless and well, hopeless. I am going to make a mini connection: So I got a tutor last year. First time. My dad kept asking me how she was and if she was the right one. I just couldn't asnwer becuase I didnt have someone else better to compare to. But then I got another tutor, and its like everything that was missing that I couldnt name at that time, was there. Does that make sense? Please tell me it does, this was really hard to put into words. Same thing with a therpaist, and Im never going to know who's the right theraist and what's feels right until it happends. uNtil i find the "RIGHT" therapist, Im going to say that OH this is what I need to heal, that may still be subconcious now. Anyways, nothjing is worse than when your last resort is not working. Therapy was the last resort. You go to a doctor to fix whatever physical issue you have, becuase seriously no one else can. BUT NOW the "proffesional" person thats supposed to "doctor you down" just isnt effective......
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