Tweet
I'm not sure anymore
I'm sorry if this is dumb but I really need to let it out to someone.
So I went on a short break from school and I think I want another one. So when I came back everything has changed. All of my friend even my best ones made new friends and now when they're talking to them I'm left out and they don't invite me to join the conversation so the only thing I want to do is walk away but I'm the nice friend who always stays because I'm the one everyone can depend on. You know what the worst part of that is? No one is there when you're the lonely one. All of my friends aren't hanging out with me that much and now I'm mostly alone.I don't want to be but now I'm that one friend you hang out with if no one else is there, so I really am lonely in a crowd. Even my grades are gooing down. Group projects that I started before I left were terrible and I got failing grades thanks to my group that relied on me to do more work when I got back then they did the entire time I was gone. And I'm still behind even if the school is almost over. So the stress is just piling up and my Jet-lag doesn't make it better. I really don't want to go to school to face that. And what's worst is no one seems to notice. I know I should try to get help myself but my shy nature just makes me want to hold it all and I can't do that and I do. I have been acted differently and not even my friends that I've been friends with for years seems to notice. I don't want to talk to my parents about because they will deny any of this and say "Oh not my child" But really feeling lonely, I can't tell anyone because apparently, people will only care if you cry or ramble on and on about a situation that didn't happen and claiming your depressed when the only reason is that your friends don't care about and then they give you something. But what can you give someone who really needs help and feels empty and doesn't care anymore and want to make it all go away but you know you have to relive it because school helps you do just that by people not caring as much as they should until they actually confess that it's happening and then they shower them with love even if they were bathing in years of hate and you can only see happiness in things that they considered weird and you can't share what it is or people will be weirded out. Of course, if you spit on my face once by accident it's nothing until it's the other way around. But it's easy to not care about how damaged you are if you don't care about yourself. But that's it. I'm NOT thinking I should kill myself but I'm just lost... help?
So I went on a short break from school and I think I want another one. So when I came back everything has changed. All of my friend even my best ones made new friends and now when they're talking to them I'm left out and they don't invite me to join the conversation so the only thing I want to do is walk away but I'm the nice friend who always stays because I'm the one everyone can depend on. You know what the worst part of that is? No one is there when you're the lonely one. All of my friends aren't hanging out with me that much and now I'm mostly alone.I don't want to be but now I'm that one friend you hang out with if no one else is there, so I really am lonely in a crowd. Even my grades are gooing down. Group projects that I started before I left were terrible and I got failing grades thanks to my group that relied on me to do more work when I got back then they did the entire time I was gone. And I'm still behind even if the school is almost over. So the stress is just piling up and my Jet-lag doesn't make it better. I really don't want to go to school to face that. And what's worst is no one seems to notice. I know I should try to get help myself but my shy nature just makes me want to hold it all and I can't do that and I do. I have been acted differently and not even my friends that I've been friends with for years seems to notice. I don't want to talk to my parents about because they will deny any of this and say "Oh not my child" But really feeling lonely, I can't tell anyone because apparently, people will only care if you cry or ramble on and on about a situation that didn't happen and claiming your depressed when the only reason is that your friends don't care about and then they give you something. But what can you give someone who really needs help and feels empty and doesn't care anymore and want to make it all go away but you know you have to relive it because school helps you do just that by people not caring as much as they should until they actually confess that it's happening and then they shower them with love even if they were bathing in years of hate and you can only see happiness in things that they considered weird and you can't share what it is or people will be weirded out. Of course, if you spit on my face once by accident it's nothing until it's the other way around. But it's easy to not care about how damaged you are if you don't care about yourself. But that's it. I'm NOT thinking I should kill myself but I'm just lost... help?
Comment