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I have selective mutism which is an anxiety disorder that make it so I am unable to speak in certain social settings (like during school). I was diagnosed when I was about 4 or 5 and it made school extremely difficult. I didn't speak to any of my teachers and most of my classmates until 4th grade. I've definitely overcome most of it because now I raise my hand during class and talk to my peers but I still struggle with it out of school. I'm going into 9th grade soon and I had to choose my classes for the year. I was originally going to take Spanish (because that's what I have been taking for 9 years) but then I asked my mom if I could switch to American Sign Language because I'm really bad at the speaking part of Spanish, which is obviously a big part of taking a language, however I'm ok at the writing part and I had an A in the class. She said that I could but since I already signed up for Spanish, she'd have to email the school to ask for a switch. Anyways, the school said I could switch to ASL but I have to go see a psychologist to see how I am doing with the selective mutism problem. I don't really know what is going to happen when I go there and it's makes me anxious just thinking about it. What if I can't talk to them? Or, what if I do talk to them and they say that I'm fine now and I should be able to take Spanish. I've also been struggling with being sad and some suicidal thoughts but I didn't tell my mom about that and I'm afraid that the psychologist might find that out when I'm talking to them and then we'll have a whole other issue.
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I know it may feel overwhelming and like nothing will help right now but there is help and YOU ARE NOT ALONE! If you are feeling suicidal please tell someone right away. There is nothing to be scared about telling your therapist because he/she can offer you long-term guidance in dealing with your anxiety disorder and depression; you can learn how to cope with these emotions you are experiencing so that you can start to feel healthy. You can also call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-8255 which they can help as well @, http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ if you need immediate assistance. Another suggestion is to reach out to anyone that you trust so that you can have someone to support you right now. Letting your parents/guardians or another trusted adult know about the emotions you're experiencing can be the first step.
Now that it is summer, it is the perfect time to try and work on some of your fears that you described about talking to people in school. So take advantage of this time and share with your therapist the anxiety you have been feeling about your anxiety disorder. If you are too nervous to talk about it or think that you might get overwhelmed and forget during your session, then write a note. The therapist is there to help so try to change your pattern of isolating & not talking while you are on summer break. It also sounds like taking the ASL class will benefit you so good luck in the class and I hope that this has helped you some. If you need further assistance then don’t hesitate to call 2NDFLOOR at any time to talk at 888-222-2228. We are here 24/7 to help you! You can also text us daily from 4-8PM.
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