Who am I?

[WAZZ]

So I feel like I'm drowning.
Basically, my parents aren't happy with me, my school is concerned about me, and I ****ing hate myself.

For starters I got my laptop got taken away on the 7th. This was fine for the time being, as she said I'd get it back in 2 weeks with no bad emails from my teachers. It's been 11 days and she says she'll only give it to me if I do my missed work.

The school says they care about me, but I just feel they want me to do my work and nothing else.

And myself.
I'm such a ****ing disgrace to the earth. I do shit and I regret it later. Heck, I eventually regret everything later. I sometimes think my parents should have aborted me while they could. I feel helpless in this world, and when everyone says, "Stay calm," it doesn't work.

I've attempted suicide twice in the last 2 weeks and I feel I'm going to end it soon.
And I need help.

[2NDFLOOR]

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough time right now. I won't tell you the same old thing that everyone else does, because it doesn't just "get better" by "staying calm" as if by magic. It gets better when you begin putting in the effort to work on the things that are wrong. I am glad that you reached out to us. You put yourself into a position to start getting help. Taking steps to speak about what your going through, no matter how difficult it may seem, is what is going to start to help you get better. If not your parents, how about another trusted adult in a position of power in your life, such as a guidance counselor or maybe a religious figure? Someone that has the ability to help you begin the process of getting better. There are also two suicide hotlines that you might find helpful. One is the Suicide Prevention Lifeline and they can be reached at (800) 273-TALK (8255) and the other is the NJ Hopeline and they can be reached at (855) 654-6735. There is no need to continue to suffer alone when there are plenty of people out there that are willing and able to help. Suicide is never the answer. I encourage you to please talk to someone further about this. You can give us a call at the 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline. We are here 24/7 at 888-222-2228. You can also text us daily at this number between 4pm and 8pm. Stay strong...your life matters.