rage and sorrow

[Unregistered]

Hi! I feel like I need help but ashamed to do so. My life isnt as bad as I perceive it. That's the problem... im mad at myself for not appreciating what I have, and at focusing at the things I wish to have. I am sick of hearing my teachers say confidence pep talks... like why dont people get it???! Everyone focuses on the part that ur not confident, unhappy, but why does everyone fail to notice that there is a cause?? That there is a trigger? Hey, I didn't just wake up one day and say "I hate myself". Everyone looks beyond the triggers and blames me for handling things the way I do. Everyone takes my strength for weakness. Ive got no one to trust. Like no one. I feel awkward talking about my feelings. Its such an awkward word!!! Anyways, ive been really irritable and everyone gets on my nerves. Everyone is god damn stupid!! I hate highschool cuz my teachers suck. I just feel like I cant get through anything in life. Life is stupid, and one day u will be forgotten. Like in class, my teacher knows my struggles, she started talking about changing habits and being confident and I know she was aiming at me, and because I am tired of hearing this pep talks, I got up and left. Of course she thought that was disrespectful, but she didn't want to point that out. I no longer like music and im thinking of quiting singing and performing. Cuz why bother? I get nervous, and ppl will always choose and praise the ones that aren't nervous. No one is supporting me. Im thinking of quitting choral club. It really sucks cuz music was all my life and my therapy and im known as being musical, then all of a sudden hating it because of my anxiety and bad thoughts. I feel like ive been sassy and in my own world. Im just annoyed, and id go from being really sad, into not feeling anything or empty. I feel stereotyped as a teenager. I dont harm or cut, but I started wrist band snapping, is this bad? Also, why do I get the tics when somone stares at me? I mean I know its nothing serious, but how can I stop it? I also always feel sick to my stomach and always shaky. That felt good to vent out, cuz no one cares. No one even notices me. Please cover everything I wrote.

[2NDFLOOR]

Well first of all your feelings are very important. I'm glad you realize that your life isn't as bad as you think it is. That is very positive. Sometimes writing a list of things you're grateful for could help when you're feeling down on yourself.
I think your teachers are only trying to help in the way they know how. Teachers are not mental health professions, so they are not trained to deal with these types of things.
You said that there is a trigger to the way you feel. What do you think that trigger is? That might help you figure things out. You must know that you are not alone and other teenagers and adults have felt the way you are feeling. Are you able to reach out to your school counselor? This might be be helpful. You are not the only person that feels funny or awkward talking about your feelings, but maybe the counselor can give you strategies to help you deal with how you feel. The way you are feeling now is not the way you will always feel.
Since music and singing is the only thing that gets you through things why give up? Many people get nervous, especially when they have to perform in front of people. This is not unusual at all. If you are diagnosed with anxiety, it is important to speak to a mental health professional about this.
If the band snapping helps you get through these feelings, you should continue doing it.
Again, it is important for you to reach out to a professional. You can call 2ndfloor to discuss this further. We are here 24/7- 888-222-2228 or text everyday from 4-8 PM from the same number. Please reach out for support.