Help?

[Unregistered]

Hi. So I'm currently in my second year at college and need help deciding if I should go back to my counselor here at school. So basically last year I had a super hard year. Like with depression cutting, suicidal ideation, and was kinda sorta of sexual assaulted by my at the time boyfriend(still trying to figure out if it's considered because we did have sex before hand but one time I said no type of thing that I'm not really sure if I allowed it to happen or what). Okay but anyway during the summer I felt Fine-ish. Like I still sometimes had the urge to cut and sometimes did and I had a few panic attacks but as odd as it sounds overall I still felt a lot better then I did at school. But also I don't know if I should go back. I ended the sessions by tell her everything and then never actually contacted back or did anything she said I should over the summer. It was kind of to hard for me to do and go through and bring back with me so I pretend it didn't happen. And way I have been back at school for a few weeks and suddenly feel sad again. Like I feel like crying all the time and like I don't see the poinof trying anymore.I have given in to the urges a lot recently and though of suicide(I wouldn't actually so it) and I have drinking somewhat more then usual. But I don't know if I want to go back. I know I probably should. There are many reasons. The first is sorta pitiful My roommates who are my best friends don't know anything that happened besides the cutting. They think I've stopped for long time. So they make fun of the fact that I did go to counseling last year and have brought it up as a joke. Also I feel really awkward around the counselor.like I've seen her a few times and smiled and said hi because it's rude not to but it's a tiny campus so I see her a lot. But I feel anxious when I do see her just because she knows everything and I don't know if I want to go hide or cry and have her help me. Another thing is I don't know how, if I did decide to go back, how to. I didn't do the things she asked me during the summer so I feel like I betrayed and disappointed her. I don't know how to go about making an appointment.(awkward situation I was originally forced to go to counseling by the school) but I don't know how to make an appointment for myself or get back to the one I went to (there are 3) or how long I wait to. Like when is to long and when is to soon? All of these things come up and I don't know whether or not to go back or how to and it's giving really bad anxiety

[2NDFLOOR]

Thank you for reaching out to 2NDFLOOR. If you are thinking of harming yourself (even though you mentioned you wouldn't) you need to contact 911 right away or contact the suicide prevention lifeline at 1 (800) 273-8255. Going back to school can be stressful, but the choice to go back to counseling is completely yours. Many times people make fun of counseling because it is a defense mechanism or they don't know how to talk about it, that doesn't mean you need to feel embarrassed about going back to counseling. You can keep it to yourself or you can tell your friends what's been going on, because if they are your friends they will understand and chance the way they talk about counseling. If you're still feeling anxious and having the urge to cut going back to a counselor seems like a good idea. To make an appointment just look up your schools mental health number, give them a call and they will help you set up an appointment. Let them know you saw one counselor last year and you would like to continue with them. If you feel that she will be disappointed in you not having done some of the work she assigned you, she won't be she just wants to help. She's not there to judge you or reprimand you, she's there to help you. She may ask you why you didn't do some of the things, but that's only so you will understand yourself why you didn't do it. There's no better time then today to contact your school to set up an appointment. The sooner the better. If you want to talk more give 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline a call we are here 24/7 at 888-222-2228 or text us daily 4-8PM at 908-280-0235.