Why can't I eat normally?

[Unregistered]

Hi, I have been going through something that is emotionally dragging me down and I feel like their is nothing I can do about it. I recently lost 20 pounds due to anorexia. I went through alot at my old school( bullied, passing away of my grand mom,and having panick attacks) during all of that I gave up and took it out on food. I was worried about calories, fat, pretty much everything and anything I had a problem with it and wouldn't eat it. Although with support from my pediatrician and family I overcame it. Now I am faced with a new problem. During the day, I eat pretty normally which includes ; breakfast snack lunch snack......, but once dinner comes around I eat as much as I can until I feel sick. I am a gymnast and dancer so I am pretty athletic I don't know if this is just my body telling me I need more or is it a binge eating disorder. My mother made pasta tonight and I had basically the whole entire bowl. I kept getting more and more until I was very full. I have a fast metabolism so It doesn't seem like I have been gaining drastic weight, but I have been doing this at dinner more often and afterwards I feel guilty and disgusted with myself. Sometimes I feel horrible about myself and get thoughts back to when I had anorexia , like I am going to get fat and more. Is this a growth spurt or something more serious? I am in 9th grade btw. Please let me know what is going on with me, I just want to eat normal like I used to when I was younger.

[2NDFLOOR]

Hi. It is definitely understandable why you are worrying a bit since you experienced food/body issues in the past. Sorry to hear about what you went through but congratulations on overcoming it. There could definitely be a few normal things going on with you. First, it could simply be that you have been more active lately and your body needs more calorie intake and it just so happens to be around dinner time that you want more food. Many people have certain times of the day when they are more hungry or certain mealtimes when they tend to just keep eating until they are really full. Second, it could also be that your body is going through some changes. You are beginning to get more into the teenage years when your hormones are all over the place and can cause these changes (ex. more hungry, more tired, etc.) Many teenagers definitely go back for seconds and thirds at dinner time. Third, you mentioned that you have a fast metabolism. Sometimes people with faster metabolisms do tend to eat more and since you are growing up you could be just more hungry to keep up with your metabolism. When you were younger it sounds like you didn't eat normal because you had anorexia. So do not wish to go back to that. It sounds like you are eating normal but just heavier around dinner time which could be for a few different reasons as mentioned above. I would only start to worry if your overeating at dinner turns into throwing up your food. That would be called bulimia and is also very unhealthy for you body like anorexia. I would also only worry if you start to gain a lot of weight too quickly becoming overweight because that is not healthy for your body either. It sounds like you had a lot of support in the past from your doctor and family. You should definitely talk to your family if you haven't already about your worry even if it is for them to reassure you. I'm sure your mom has noticed you more hungry at dinner and would say something to you if she was worried too! Talking to your family should help you rest the thoughts that you have been having and if anything you can go to the doctor to maybe talk about some of the changes your body is going through. This should help make you feel better too. If you would like to talk about this further please call us here at the 2NDFloor Youth Helpline. We are here 24/7 at 888-222-2228. You can also text us daily between 4pm and 8pm at 908-280-0235. Best of luck!