I'm embarrassed to be in public now?

[Chelsea]

I do suffer from major depression. I don't let that get to me though. I mean, I have a lot of family problems going on and it's hard to not be stressed and depressed. I volunteer for this summer camp with ages 5-11. I'm 14. I don't know, but I'm still growing up, for me it seems. And it's difficult talking to 5-11 year olds telling the right from wrong because I'm not good with kids, I guess you could say. Anyway, these two girls from my school also volunteer there, although, I don't really talk to them that much because they're the "b*tches" of the school and the worse part, everyone thinks they're beautiful... they're actually pretty nasty. I talk to them sometimes and I hang out with them sometimes but I'm in a different clique than them. So the first day of camp, I stuck up my middle finger to one of the "b*tches" as a simple joke and it was funny and all. And one of the 7 year olds saw me and started talking to me saying he knew what it meant. And I told him it was bad and he shouldn't do it. The kid was pretty chill about it, he understood right from wrong, and him and I became close friends. I'm 14 and he's 7 and it's not like FRIENDS but he was like one of the campers that I liked to talk to because he's just so cute and fun to play with and he's so mature for his age. I told the other volunteerers that I met him because I stuck the middle finger up at someone and he saw. I found it rather funny than something to be worried about because he's very mature and understands right from wrong. A week passed and I NEVER did it again as I was afraid another camper that isn't mature would see me and copy me and do it at home. So I didn't do any bad hand gesture or said any swear words in front of them. Just yesterday, I was kicked out of the camp because the head counselor said that I was a bad influence on the kids and she claimed that she received 2 phone calls last night about their childs behavior. I find it odd because the only person that saw me doing something bad was the 7 year old boy and I told him it was bad and he understood everything! I feel so embarrassed now to go in public because I got kicked out. I'm humiliated and I feel like I really am a bad person. I don't usually say swear words or do bad hand gestures. I guess the one time I did it, I did it at the wrong time. I thought this over and came to the conclusion that the 2 "b*tches" from my school had told the head counselor about it.. I really didn't do anything bad from when I flipped the other person off.. it was a joke and I don't usually do it. I was reported for doing it and I just feel terrible because the head counselor asked me to leave the camp..

(side note):

A day before they kicked me out of volunteering for the camp, the head counselor told us that we shouldn't be doing bad things in front of the kids. I didn't think she was referring specifically to me since I really don't do anything bad..

I think the 2 "b*tches" had something to do with it to get me kicked out because kids really do enjoy being around me rather than being around them. By the way, they leave in the middle of camp to go to Quick Chek or 7eleven to get junk food for themselves. I'm also sorry I refer to the as "b*tches" but that's what they're called in school... I don't really like saying those words but there's no other way to say who they are because there are multiple more volunteers from my school.. I just need some comfort? I mean a real opinion? What I did was really bad? Do you think the head counselor was just trying to cover the identity of those two "b*tches"? I volunteer again next week and I don't know how to act because the same people are going to be there and we're working with little kids again.. :/

[2NDFLOOR]

Truthfully, what you did was inappropriate for a role model and counselor for little kids, especially when there was any chance they could see you. But you already know that. It really doesn't matter who reported you, if it was the girls from your school, the boy who saw you or someone else that saw you and just didn't tell you they did, the fact is you did wrong and received consequences for it. As you get older, more and more proper behavior is going to be expected of you and while you may have only been kidding around (which would have been fine if there were no kids around), you have to be careful of what you do and who you do it in front of. Is this something you should be embarrassed about and hide you head in the sand about? Absolutely not. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time, and once the punishment is served, forgiveness and moving forward should occur. That is part of our legal system as well. Learn from what you did and walk into that camp with your head high and your middle fingers down next week. Remember little kids absorb and see a lot more than we usually give them credit for. Good luck and call us anytime at 888-222-2228.

[Chelsea]

Thanks 2ndfloor! It made me realize a lot. I just don't know how to be confident anymore. I suffer from depression and getting kicked out has brought me to a low state again.. In public, I probably will be sad and tired.