Tweet
Lonely
Well for the past about 2 years I've been feeling really lonely. Now, i am 16 year old girl, by the way. I used to be really happy when i was little and i made friends so easily. Now I feel like I'm never happy and like i have no true friends. My sister is in college so I'm pretty much an only child and my parents have work all the time so I'm alone for most of the day. It makes me sad because I feel like I'm not close to anyone anymore, not even my own family. I also feel like my sister has a better relationship with our parents than i do because she is older and they used to be happier back then. When she comes home everyone is happy and then when she leaves everyone gets stressed again.
Lately i have been blaming my self for not being social enough and its my fault i have no friends because i don't go out enough. But i honestly think its because of my situation. I don't know how to have a relationship with people because I have been alone for most of my teenage years. I wish my parents would talk to me more and my friends would want to hang out with me more so that i wouldn't feel so lonely. I want to feel wanted and loved. I know my parents love me but lately they just haven't shown it and that makes me really sad. I also wish I could tell my parents this but i don't want them to have more stress than they already do. My grandmother just died so my mom is really sad and my grandpa is sick so my dad is stressed. My dad puts a lot of stress on the family and me too because he always says i don't help enough around the house or i don't do something that he wants me to do.
Since i am alone a lot i sometimes think about cutting and stuff but i am not the type of person to do that so i would never. The reason I think about that though is because people say it relieves stress and it makes them happier. I have also thought about taking pills ( not to kill myself), Just to make me happier and appreciate more of what i have. I wish i could talk to my mom about this kind of stuff but i can never find the right time because when she is stressed i don't want her to have to worry about me and when she is happy i want her to stay like that.
What triggered all this sadness and thinking was today, when my sister left for college again and when she left, everything was quiet and nothing was happening and i was just laying in my bed. I was feeling a little lonely so i went back downstairs and asked my mom to make me some pancakes so that we could have a little one on one time. so when my mom was done making me pancakes she said she had to go to work with dad. When she said that i wanted to just breakdown because ( I know this doesn't sound like a big deal but I'm pretty much at my breaking point) I just wanted to talk to her and to bond. I don't want to be alone anymore. I just want someone who will stay with me even when there is nothing to do and i am bored out of my mind. I just want to be happy like when i was little.
I honestly don't know what kind of response I'm expecting for this but i guess i just needed to write all this down to figure out myself why i was feeling like this for so long.
Lately i have been blaming my self for not being social enough and its my fault i have no friends because i don't go out enough. But i honestly think its because of my situation. I don't know how to have a relationship with people because I have been alone for most of my teenage years. I wish my parents would talk to me more and my friends would want to hang out with me more so that i wouldn't feel so lonely. I want to feel wanted and loved. I know my parents love me but lately they just haven't shown it and that makes me really sad. I also wish I could tell my parents this but i don't want them to have more stress than they already do. My grandmother just died so my mom is really sad and my grandpa is sick so my dad is stressed. My dad puts a lot of stress on the family and me too because he always says i don't help enough around the house or i don't do something that he wants me to do.
Since i am alone a lot i sometimes think about cutting and stuff but i am not the type of person to do that so i would never. The reason I think about that though is because people say it relieves stress and it makes them happier. I have also thought about taking pills ( not to kill myself), Just to make me happier and appreciate more of what i have. I wish i could talk to my mom about this kind of stuff but i can never find the right time because when she is stressed i don't want her to have to worry about me and when she is happy i want her to stay like that.
What triggered all this sadness and thinking was today, when my sister left for college again and when she left, everything was quiet and nothing was happening and i was just laying in my bed. I was feeling a little lonely so i went back downstairs and asked my mom to make me some pancakes so that we could have a little one on one time. so when my mom was done making me pancakes she said she had to go to work with dad. When she said that i wanted to just breakdown because ( I know this doesn't sound like a big deal but I'm pretty much at my breaking point) I just wanted to talk to her and to bond. I don't want to be alone anymore. I just want someone who will stay with me even when there is nothing to do and i am bored out of my mind. I just want to be happy like when i was little.
I honestly don't know what kind of response I'm expecting for this but i guess i just needed to write all this down to figure out myself why i was feeling like this for so long.
Comment