Christmas Numbness

[Unregistered]

Today my family decided to decorate the Christmas tree. I sat back and watched but the whole time I was thinking about how much I want to kill myself. This year will be my third Christmas with no joy. For THREE YEARS I've been dealing with severe depression and self harm. Every day I think about ending my life. The only thing that keeps me going are events I put in my calendar to look forward to (concerts, album releases, etc.). They give me something to focus on in the future. I don't know when I'll run out of things or I'll just reach an extreme breaking point but I feel close. I'm tired of being strong and I need a rest. My head is killing me. My body hurts from all the cuts. I just need to... sleep.
I've tried to stop cutting before but it's an addiction and I don't think I really even want to stop.
This is a horrible way to be at 16 but here I am, as messed up as ever.

[2NDFLOOR]

What you are going through sounds extremely difficult . No one should have to feel this way. It is really great that you reached out for help! It is important that if you are having thoughts about suicide and self harm to tell an adult that you trust. You should not try to go through something like this alone. There are many resources that can help you such as a counselor, this website www.nationalsuicidepreventionlifeline.org and of course 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline. Please call us anytime at 888-222-2228, we are here 24/7 and would like to help you more.