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Life improvement
Hello, I am 22 and feel like I am behind in life. I admit, I have issues that possibly serve as an excuse. Not too long ago, I was in a mental hospital. I don't think I have any serious problems, I just needed to get help because of my family and the way they act. I admit, I am at some fault but I am just getting a little tired. I don't know what else to do but hold on to my religious beliefs (in GOD).
Two years ago, I left my house to look for someone to talk to. I don't feel that comfortable talking to my family because of the way I feel about them. The big problem was, I did not tell my mom and sister where I was going. I had a panic attack because of energy I was receiving from them. I felt bad energy coming from my mom and sister. My mom spoke to me in a frightening way when she was telling me to do something. My sister just disregards emotions when she communicates. When she was speaking to me she was standing a little too close to me as though she did not care and thought I was inferior to her.
Anyway, I am the type of person that does not take action or speak until a situation gets significant. In other words, I try to wait until I feel the time is right to do something. My mom told me to get something for her in a disrespectful way then she said something rude to herself about me. I stayed positive and said something to my sister but I guess the positive thing was not working. My sister did not answer me. I decided it was my time to finally do something about my situation.
Forgive my for what I am about to write but I honestly thought my mom and sister wanted to silence me. I pictured them tying me up with a rope. At the time, I was seeing or planning to see a therapist,maybe they did not want me to say bad things about them. Its my health that matters right?
I did not have to do this, I did it because I wanted to and because I had a feeling to. I don't know, I guess something woke up in me.
This was my 20th birthday might I add. While I was out of the house, I did make it to a hospital and eventually found someone to talk to.
Fast forward two years later. I am now 22 and still at home with my mom and sister. Things kinda got worse but everything is stable right now. My mom and sister got into an argument which got physical but my sister apologized. I feel like I and my family are cursed, especially me. I don't know. I 'm not happy, I 'm in school but my grades are up and down, as they've always been throughout my life. I don't have a job because I was in a mental hospital. I'm waiting to finish from my 2-year college first. I've been through depression, paranoia as well as other things (I was raped recently).
I feel as though I should be having the time of my life but i'm not. I don't feel popular among most people but i'm okay, I feel happy staying in the background. Doing that gives me a good sense of who and who not to trust. I know people but I don't really have that certain relationship everyone looks for. That relationship of trust and unconditional love. I feel my senses are heightened when i'm alone.It gives me the opportunity to think and asses myself . I feel that I should be more productive and more in tuned in the world but i'm not. I don't even know what's going on with the economy but I know I want to be an architect!
Anyway, right now I am looking for someone to talk to, still. Someone like a psychologist, therapist of that sort. My 23rd birthday is coming up and I don't feel like its the way it should be. But, i'm not trying to complain.
What do you think a 23 yr old should be doing at this point in their life?
What should I look into as far as being an adult and jobs and the economy as well as other "grown-up things"?
I feel like i'm still a little kid. I still depend on my mom and sister.
My dad died, i'm the only guy in the house, I should take care of everything right?
What do you think of all this?
Two years ago, I left my house to look for someone to talk to. I don't feel that comfortable talking to my family because of the way I feel about them. The big problem was, I did not tell my mom and sister where I was going. I had a panic attack because of energy I was receiving from them. I felt bad energy coming from my mom and sister. My mom spoke to me in a frightening way when she was telling me to do something. My sister just disregards emotions when she communicates. When she was speaking to me she was standing a little too close to me as though she did not care and thought I was inferior to her.
Anyway, I am the type of person that does not take action or speak until a situation gets significant. In other words, I try to wait until I feel the time is right to do something. My mom told me to get something for her in a disrespectful way then she said something rude to herself about me. I stayed positive and said something to my sister but I guess the positive thing was not working. My sister did not answer me. I decided it was my time to finally do something about my situation.
Forgive my for what I am about to write but I honestly thought my mom and sister wanted to silence me. I pictured them tying me up with a rope. At the time, I was seeing or planning to see a therapist,maybe they did not want me to say bad things about them. Its my health that matters right?
I did not have to do this, I did it because I wanted to and because I had a feeling to. I don't know, I guess something woke up in me.
This was my 20th birthday might I add. While I was out of the house, I did make it to a hospital and eventually found someone to talk to.
Fast forward two years later. I am now 22 and still at home with my mom and sister. Things kinda got worse but everything is stable right now. My mom and sister got into an argument which got physical but my sister apologized. I feel like I and my family are cursed, especially me. I don't know. I 'm not happy, I 'm in school but my grades are up and down, as they've always been throughout my life. I don't have a job because I was in a mental hospital. I'm waiting to finish from my 2-year college first. I've been through depression, paranoia as well as other things (I was raped recently).
I feel as though I should be having the time of my life but i'm not. I don't feel popular among most people but i'm okay, I feel happy staying in the background. Doing that gives me a good sense of who and who not to trust. I know people but I don't really have that certain relationship everyone looks for. That relationship of trust and unconditional love. I feel my senses are heightened when i'm alone.It gives me the opportunity to think and asses myself . I feel that I should be more productive and more in tuned in the world but i'm not. I don't even know what's going on with the economy but I know I want to be an architect!
Anyway, right now I am looking for someone to talk to, still. Someone like a psychologist, therapist of that sort. My 23rd birthday is coming up and I don't feel like its the way it should be. But, i'm not trying to complain.
What do you think a 23 yr old should be doing at this point in their life?
What should I look into as far as being an adult and jobs and the economy as well as other "grown-up things"?
I feel like i'm still a little kid. I still depend on my mom and sister.
My dad died, i'm the only guy in the house, I should take care of everything right?
What do you think of all this?
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