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toxic freindship??

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  • toxic freindship??

    okay, basically, i have a best-friend who recently has been struggling with mental health, and got help. but then out of nowhere they dropped me. nothing said or done that was wrong. they told me they needed space, so i gave them that respectfully so they could heal and become a happier, healthier person, but that's how it was all turned on me. i stopped speaking to this friend as per their request, but then they came back into my everyday atmosphere and eventually texted me about how i misunderstood what they said. and an important detail is that their other friends were treating me terribly, by telling me i was reason for the whole mental health problem, and even telling me that how i felt was wrong and i should just keep my mouth shut, and that was about something completely unrelated (it was about my sexuality, which i was clearly uncomfortable with, but when i voiced my problems, i was the bad person). these people all told me that my best-friend knew about how they were treating me, and was perfectly fine with it. so i went on thinking that this was all true, especially because i couldn't reach out to this friend because they said they needed that mental space from me and i didn't want to disrespect that or hurt them, and so this went on for months. eventually, i just learned that it wasn't my problem anymore, and essentially moved on. i thought the friendship was gone and dead, and i wasn't upset about it as much anymore. of course it hurt, they were my best friend. but i also knew that i needed to worry about me and not what i could have done better. it took time, but eventually, i learned to be better/okay. then, after they ya know, returned and texted me about how i didn't understand what they "really" meant, i asked if we could go out for lunch, which in return i received an abrupt no and an excuse. whatever. but then i saw them at a party and they asked if we could go to lunch once they got back from vacation. i said sure, we went to lunch, and we talked about the situation. but, it doesn't end there. so basically, what they told me was, that they never told anyone to say anything mean to me, and that they felt bad for what i went through because, and yes, if you guess it, they turned it around on me and told me, "you misunderstood." i felt like i was going crazy. and the worst part? i didn't get an apology. all i wanted out of that whole situation was an apology, but they were to proud to give one. i would have left this all behind me if i had just gotten an "i'm sorry," but no. instead they blamed everyone else for the wrong doings and the backstabbing, and moved on to regular conversation, effortlessly leaving no blame for themself. then, not only did i get an invite to their birthday dinner as if nothing happened, but they invited everyone who had bothered and continuously verbally berated me as well, after saying they were mean and blaming them for it all. and then a couple days later, we were at another birthday party and they didn't come up to me around the people (their friends) who didn't like me. made eye contact with me several times, but didn't say hello until half way into the party. i am honestly at a loss of what i should do next. do i tell them to apologize? do i just drop them? there is a bit more but i'm getting tired and this is already long. thanks for listening!
    Last edited by 2NDFLOOR; 07-23-2022, 07:05 AM.

  • #2
    Thank you for reaching out and sharing this with us. It definitely sounds like you have a difficult decision to make after all you have been through with these friends. I would say first of all you have to ask yourself how much their friendships mean to you. Then maybe you should weigh out the pros and cons of asking them to apologize versus dropping them. You could also talk to them about apologizing and see how they react… like if they easily apologize and take responsibility or not- this can tell you a lot about moving on from them also. If you would like to talk about this further please call us at the 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline. We are here 24/7 at 888-222-2228. Good luck!


    • #3
      Hi, it sounds as if your friend is giving you a very hot and cold attitude. I think you should look at how the friend has been treating you in the past and determine if you are willing to work past the difficulties. There seems to be a lot factors in play here and you shoul consider if being friends with this person is worth all the negative emotions you are feeling. You cannot a force a friendship with someone; they have to be willing to make an effort as well. You should decide if your life is better off with or without this friend. Maybe there is a way that you can express to the friend your feelings and ee how they repsond before you make your decision.


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