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having troubling finding and keeping friends :(

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  • having troubling finding and keeping friends :(

    hello! so the problem I am currently having is that I am struggling with finding friends. I have a boyfriend and like 2 friends that I talk to pretty regularly. For the two friends its not on the basis that I would like a friendship to be on. I would love to have a best friend again and I have not had one in a really long time. The last time I had a best friend it ended really badly and it was really toxic. I struggle from social anxiety but I have been getting better recently. I really want a close friend again but I am having trouble finding one. At school no one really talks to me and I am somewhat quiet but friendly. On social media there are a few people I have started conversations with but I dont know how to form a friendship anymore. My boyfriend is really amazing. However, I would love to have a friend to keep me company when he cannot. I genuinely don't know what to do. At this point I am pretty comfortable with being alone and only having my bf to talk to daily but its summer time now and I would love to hang out and get to know more people. any advice?

  • #2
    Hello, glad you reached out to us. It sounds like you have a friend in your bf so that’s great. Understandable that you would want 1 or 2 other friends to hang out and have fun but it’s best to let that happen organically. Although you mentioned that you kind of have 2 others and that’s more then some. Maybe don’t overthink it. Keep this in mind too that genuine friendships are more important then having tons of not authentic ones. I don’t know how old you are but maybe extra curricular activities you can meet people that have similar interests, in school or out. Or even if you have a job you could meet people. I hope you have a great day and if you want to talk about this or anything text 2NDFLOOR at 888-222-2228.

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    • #3
      Hey! Firstly, I applaud you reaching out! It sounds like your boyfriend is a supportive one! That's awesome! Friendship are important especially outside of your relationship because relying solely on one person for all your support can be too much for them and the relationship can become toxic. For this reason, I find that having a few different friends for different things covers all bases. For instance, I have one friend I get dinner and go to the movies with and we talk about everything together but we only see each other like once every two weeks (if not less). I have a different friend I talk to almost every day but we don't actually hang out often. I have another friend I go to mostly for relationship advice and a different friend who I talk to for support and I support her as well. Finding different friends that can be there for you in different ways spreads your eggs out instead of putting them in one basket. This puts you in a safer place because if one "basket falls and breaks" you still have a few other "baskets" to back you up. Hope this was helpful, keep reaching out!

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      • #4
        Hi, it sounds like your boyfriend truly cares for you and that's great! Friendships are so important, because they bring so much comfort and happiness. Friendships should always be formed naturally. I know you said that you have social anxiety that is getting better so maybe you can try joining a group to meet other people. You can try joining a recreational team or even become a volunteer. Personally, I have a couple of really good friends that I met at a very young age and a couple that I met later in life. I became friends with them at all different times of my life and at different places. Have a great day!

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        • #5
          Hello! I am so glad you reached out. From what I read, it sounds like you have a great relationship with your boyfriend, but like you said, it is important to have other relationships too. That being said, you don't need to have a million friends either- just a few quality ones is all you need! I would advise stepping out of your comfort zone and maybe joining a club or activity after school. I would also approach people and try to find something that you both have in common. It seems scary and bold, but sometimes taking initiative works in your favor. You got this!

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