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I'm a sophomore and throughout my years of schooling, I've never had a friend group or particular best friend or any of those things. High school was a bit of a transition, but this year being my second year in the school it was getting better. I started becoming close with a lot of the seniors, who are 2 years older than me, so close that some of my "friends" who are sophomores stopped wanting to talk or hang out. Since I can remember, I've always had problems with people being fake or getting in fights with people and it's hard for me to process that I'm the common problem in all/most of the situations. I felt like my senior friends had so many more experiences or hardships than I did. I found myself making things up, I almost feel I have become a pathological liar, anywhere from medical problems, to saying I don't live with my family all the time, to even making up a fake relationship. Now not all of these are fake or lies, more of exaggerations, me not really having a full on relationship with a boy, I have been bouncing back and forth from my aunt's house since she's going through a divorce so I can take care of my cousins, just making things bigger than they are. I would tell these things to my friends because I'd hope they would find us more similar and be more accepting of me. Most friends did and the first 3/4 of the year were great. Now, the one friend, E, has recently broke up with her boyfriend and doesn't want to talk to anyone. Another one, S, found out I didn't actually have a boyfriend and told me she didn't want to be friends. Another one, G, lost her brother to suicide about 3 months ago so I don't want to push her if she doesn't want to talk. And also, K, has been trying to talk(text) to me recently but every time I try to talk to her she seems to get mad at me for "not listening to her", but I'm kind of confused on how I'm supposed to listen through text lol. Anyways, this is bringing up a lot of anxiety for me because I'm kind of starting to feel alone but I ruined relationships with girls my age and I'm now ruining relationships with the girls who I thought would accept me.
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Thank you for reaching out to talk about this. It sounds like you are going through a lot right now. Friendships aren't always easy, especially if you find that people including yourself aren't being truthful about situations. Once you are true to yourself you'll have a better understanding of what qualities you might want in another person as a friend. There's no need to lie to fit in; try and be yourself in order to find true friends that you can really click with. Call or text us 24/7 at 888-222-2228 if you want to talk about this further, or have anything else you'd like to discuss.
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