Why must i forgive

[Unregistered]

Okay, so at the beginning of summer I signed up for this camp and the second week I was out with a concussion so my friend...we'll say Alyssa met these three great people. We'll call them Cathy, Meghan and Dan. They were really nice and we all hung out. A few days after hanging out I found out that Meghan and Dan were dating now. But on the night of the first performance (it was a drama camp) Meghan broke up with Dan. They seemed fine at first but the next day, Dan, Cathy, Meghan and I were talking and Dan threatened Cathy. Cathy ended up blowing a fuse and Meghan was holding her back. So I ran off and found Alyssa. I told her about the threat and I had to hold her back from hitting Dan. That night was the night of the second/last performance. They were arguing for what seemed like forever and I finally just got up and ran to the bathroom where I cried. Someone had to use it so I hid in a corner until Alyssa found me. When I came back out Dan comforted me a little. But then the next camp started. Turned out Meghan was at camp with me. So we hung out but Dan didn't like that. We would argue about Meghan and how awful she was and wasn't. It had gotten so bad that Meghan started to use my phone to argue with Dan since she deleted his contact. One day, we were arguing and Dan got so mad that he told me to "go...myself". I cried in the bathroom for 40 minutes before returning to the theater. We made up a few hours later, but we were at each other's throat for a little while. (Sorry this is taking so long) two days ago, the night of the performance for this camp, Meghan and I were having dinner in the theater when Dan texted me in a group chat with Cathy. He started insulting Cathy through the chat. After a few minutes I stepped in and tried to stop it. I am suicidal and Dan knows that. Well I was getting so angry that I said I was ready to pick up a knife and stab myself. And...Dan said "go ahead". Meghan grabbed my phone and stood up for me. She argued with Dan. And after half an hour he finally apologized to Cathy, Meghan, and me. We agreed to be friends again. But...I...I just don't know whether or not I really should have forgiven him. He's suicidal too and he said he wouldn't be able to go on if I didn't forgive him. I don't want him to die, but...I...he broke me, and Meghan, and Cathy, and even Alyssa a little. And they are some of my closest friends. I don't think I'm ready too forgive him. I don't know what to do.

[2NDFLOOR]

I just want to start by saying if you are in danger to yourself call 911 immediately or contact the suicide prevention lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. If you are feeling suicidal or depressed I also hope that you have reached out to an adult you trust so that you can get the help you need. You shouldn't have to constantly feel this way. When it comes to your friend Dan, you don't have to forgive him right away. If you are upset with him you are allowed to be. It may take time for you to fully trust him or want to be his friend again. You can distance yourself if that's something you think might help. If someone is saying things like "I won't go on if you don't forgive me" or threaten suicide as a way for you to maintain a friendship that's not fair, but it also sounds like he may need professional help from a counselor. It's a difficult situation especially when at least two of you are struggling with suicidal thoughts. The most important thing is to first focus on yourself and getting you own mental health help. Then if your not ready to bring Dan back into your life you can be honest and say that you need to focus on bettering yourself and taking care of yourself. If you want to talk more don't hesitate to call 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline we are here 24/7 at 888-222-2228 or text us daily 4-8PM at 908-280-0235.