Toxic Catholic Mom

[Guest]

Hi, I'm 17 and have been dating the same guy for almost 2 years now and have known him for almost 4. My mom found out we had sex and has made it very clear she hates me. She doesn't allow me to see him, go out anywhere with friends, or in general, she checks my phone 24/7 and gets mad if she sees we're even texting, she takes it away at 9, and shames me about myself and my body 24/7. She's not a good mother, she's been this way even before I was dating him. She is the cause of every fight and literally, the reason all of our other family has pushed us away. She has no friends, has been in America for 20+ years, and still can't speak English well or drive when we've bought her a car and bought her many classes to attend to, no job, and she spends her time on Facebook. I have great grades, play 2 sports, a job, pay for all my things myself, maybe 2 friends that I have known for a lifetime, don't do drugs, and my worst sin of all.... have a caring sweet boyfriend with a family that is very welcoming to me. She literally told me to date him too, I didn't like him at first. But now she found out we had sex and things its a mortal sin and I had to wait till marriage because now she's going to hell for my sin. He did not force me to do anything, I trust him and am very comfortable with him and I get constantly told I am not loved at home so yeah, I will continue to date him.. he has done nothing but care and bare with me or like 4 years, he knew she was insane and still wanted to ask me out, he knew he'd be unable to see me or go on dates and he's still here. I feel so bad because sometimes he gets upset about it all and it's like... YOU can walk away, this isn't your problem, it's my mother, you have all the freedom you want I don't want you to suffer because of me but he chooses to stay every time and tells me he refuses to leave me alone. To my mom, however, he is the root o all evil when SHE is literally the only distraction in my life, I feel at a disadvantage having her be my mother. I feel unsupported, unwanted, literally like alien, home no longer feels like home, it makes me so sad because I don't want to learn to cope I want her to change but nothing does. I'm a 17 year old girl going through all of it with no mother for me, just someone who makes me feel worse and encourages me to be insecure. It angers me knowing that I am so unlucky to have her, I don't want to grow up to be like her, I see myself gaining anxiety in sports, now I get panic attacks, I feel insecure, and my buubly personality is just not there anymore. She thinks I'm hurting her and she thinks I'm a horrible daughter. My mom doesn't drink, and she waited until marriage, she expects me to be just like her but I don't want to be like her, I actually want to get somewhere in my life and be liked and have a big family to surround me with love, its a shame because my family is huge except she never allowed me to enjoy having cousins or anything because she inserted malicious thoughts and said everyone has bad intentions. I'm losing track, anyways, my boyfriend one night called the cops because of a really ugly situation one night where my mom and sister both ganged up on me to delete the video evidence I had against them, to show my dad, because he wouldn't of believed me. It was super messed up and now its made everything even worse and I'm just trying to think on the brightside, ill be 18 in 6 months and off to college in a dorm but I just don't know if I can hang on for that much longer, I feel like I'm deteriorating and can't come back after all of this damage. I use to be a happy person.

[2NDFLOOR]

Some people just have very strong religious beliefs that are difficult to argue since they are something that are typically ingrained in them from a young age and continue to be imprinted on them throughout their lives. They aren't necessarily wrong either since it's just their belief system. However it is sad that your Mom seems to be using her beliefs to shame you for your life choices and decision making. While it is very difficult it does seem like your boyfriend does care about you if he is willing to deal with all these difficulties. Parents cannot be chosen and people are not always happy with what they have, however you do raise a great point that in a short period of time you will be able to move away from that toxic situation and hopefully into one that you can flourish in. Likely when you move into a healthier environment the difficulties you've been facing will lessen and you can always attend therapy to help with them if they don't get better on their own. In the meantime, use the support systems you have in place like school counselors, your boyfriend and his family to deal. And if your Dad is in the picture, maybe you could discuss living with him until you turn 18. Best wishes and call or text us anytime at 888-222-2228.