i dont know what to do anymore

[Guest]

I'll admit, i did something stupid. my parents are strict and its been 8 months since i started talking to this boy they strictly dont want me to talk to, i actually cant talk "like that" to boys at all, but one day they were not home and he came over, my mom came home early and saw and this happened almost 2 weeks ago and her and my dad are soo mad still. i understand their anger but they don't understand mine. i wanna fix everything but they wont talk to me. i understand how they feel because the same situation happened 3 times before, where i told them i wouldn't talk to this boy anymore but i still did and they found out. but this time im done and i dont wanna keep hurting my family because obvious reasons, and i dont know how to deal with it. when i try to talk to my mom she threatens to hit me and curses at me and calls me names, and my dad and i simply just dont communicate at all. i wanna fix this and i dont know how. i have nobody to talk to. i wish they understood my emotions like i understood theirs. every day is just another waste, i have so much anger inside me and every day it just grows more and more. i could be sitting in my seat and just get mad out of nowhere and start breathing heavy and start shaking and the next thing i know im in the bathroom crying and cutting my legs. I feel like im going crazy. ontop of this i think i have untreated ADD or ADHD and i talked to a therapist about it yesterday and he said he would talk to my mom. i talked to him from my moms phone because he asked her to talk to me (he's my mom's therapist i think), and i dont have my phone, i cant reach out to anyone. Im typing this from my school computer. i cant go out not even to church, i cant have any alone time i cant do anything literally anything and its driving the anger inside me crazy like i dont know what to do anymore honestly and the only thing driving me from not ending it all is that i have hope for the future but how long is it gonna take? im just really really impatient and it sucks. it stresses me out to the core and this isnt even my only problem right now and they wont understand me like i understand them.

[2NDFLOOR]

Hello! Thank you for reaching out! Considering that this situation is something that happened multiple times before it may take a little bit longer to regain their trust. Everyday is definitely not wasted since it is another day that you are proving to them that you are done with this person. It sounds like talking to them about this topic may not be the ideal approach at the moment, how about if you try talking to them about other topics? Maybe ask them about how church was when they return? Or offer to help them with various tasks such as chores, cooking, baking, etc.? By doing this you could help to re-establish the grounds of your relationship with them.
During this time it would be a very good idea to try to find ways of managing the anger you have when it presents itself. Such as going for a walk, listening to music, exercising, etc. This is something that could definitely be discussed with the counselor the next time you speak with them. Also, have you ever spoken with anyone about cutting? If not you may want to consider speaking with them about that as well so you can discuss healthier options or releasing the emotions. If you would like to talk about this or anything else further please feel free to reach out to 2NDFLOOR anytime 24/7 via text or call at 1(888)222-2228.