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my parents don't understand that i'm upset

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  • my parents don't understand that i'm upset

    no matter how many times i say it to them, they think its bs.. They constantly blame me for my actions like getting mad easy or having a low temper, or searching outside of the household for somebody to appreciate and understand me because i feel like they don't. They're very strict, like for example i cant even talk to boys and it sucks because I feel like i have to hide everything from them. i met this boy 4 months ago and we talked for almost 2 until my parents found out and took away my phone for 2 weeks and i promised i wouldn't text him again but i did because i missed him, and now its almost been 4 months and just yesterday they found out i was still talking to him, and i got my phone taken away again. I wish they understood. I just feel like I need him so bad. Like i feel like i'm more upset that i cant talk to him than i am about how i'm a "disappointment" to my parents, as they put it. They're very mad and when something like this happens, they start bringing up old issues, and start calling me names and just never understand my point of view. They think that me talking about my problems with other people is like me "exposing" myself and my problems i should be dealing with my family, but they don't help either. they call my feelings bs.. they think i'm faking it but its really the core to everything i do. whether its me seeking some type of love outside the barrier of friends and family, or me not being able to think straight, or me being numb and not being able to feel anything, or even me thinking that whats happening around me isn't real or at lease not realize the chaos i'm surrounded with until i lay in bed at night and start overthinking and crying while i literally talk to the ceiling. I wish i could tell them everything. and I've struggled with so much that i can't tell them about. I've gotten recorded doing something inaproprriate without my consent about 10 months ago now, and even though its old, i hate myself for it. They don't know about it. Its ruined my reputation and relationship with friends, and its pushed me to such a bad state that i've never been in before. I wish i could tell my parents. But i feel like the only person that accepts me beyond all of this is my boyfriend. He makes me happy. My parents dont. I wish i just had somebody to talk to.
    Last edited by 2NDFLOOR; 06-11-2020, 03:08 PM.

  • #2
    That must be really tough to not feel heard or understood by your parents. Is there anyone in your life that you can confide in that is acceptable to your parents? Uncle? Aunt? grandparent? sibling? Sometimes just having someone to vent will help and they can even try to talk to your parents with you (if you wanted). Have you ever talked to a counselor about this? Try to reach out to your school counselor before school is out and see if there is some support they can offer and if they can even recommend some community outlets that might be okay with parents since it is coming from the school. Another suggestion is to write your parents a note letting them know your frustrations, it can help communicate without having to engage verbally. Try to practice some coping skills since you are at home like journalling, listening to music, watching a comedy, exercise or meditation to name a few. If you want to talk about this further or anything else just text or call 2NDFLOOR anytime at 888-222-2228.

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    • #3
      my siblings are all younger than me. grandparents are out of the country, uncles and aunts are either out of country or city as well. i contacted a councelor today but she hasnt replied yet, and i cant write a note because no matter how hard i try to explain that im upset, they still think its bullshit. I always journal and my parents know but its the only thing they dont bother looking at. they look through my phone, my room, bag, etc, but they never look at anything i write my emotions in and even when i try to show them, they ignore it and again say its bullshit. I say i want a therapist, but they ignore that too. I have no one to reach out to at all, and now i cant even talk to the person that understands me the most. nothing is helping

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      • #4
        My parents think that me talking to literally ANYBODY about my problems is "exposing" us. They take it like "whatever happens in the house stays in the house." My mom doesn't even tell her own sister, that she sees almost every day, ANY of our home problems. She lives nearby, but i cant tell her anything or else my mom would get mad. All my other family members either live out of country or out of city too, but i cant really talk to them about my problems either. I talked to one of my other aunts before, and she gave me good advice but that was when we had a sleepover so i cant really get in contact with her like that. She promised not to tell my parents, because we both know that they would have gotten mad. I'd rather physically see somebody than talking over the phone, its easier for me to get my emotions out that way. Anyway, I emailed my counselor yesterday and she is taking forever to get back to me. and i cant call her because my phone is taken away... and i cant write them a note. ive shown them some notes that ive wrote for myself before and my dad crumbled it up and threw it and called it bullsh*t. I always journal too, and they know. They just dont bother to check it. but somehow they always check my phone, my bag, my room, to see if im hiding something, but then NEVER my journals. my dad said he's tired of seeing me crying. he said he wont listen to what i have to say while im crying. My mom says somewhat the same things, too. then she also says that i use "depression" as an excuse for taking some of the actions i take. Like sometimes im not fully aware of my surroundings, or i do some things and take some actions that are out of my character, or take action before thinking about consequences, or just the simple fact that i feel like i DONT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING half of the time. i just feel like im stuck in a dream. im so damn NUMB i dont know what to feel and what not to feel. so i try to feel nothing but when i think about it too much or when i see something that reminds me of what im going through, i try so hard to not break down and cry. 2 months ago, my counselor told me i might be depressed. she called my mom and my mom said she would get me a therapist, but nothing ever happened. I dont know for sure if im depressed because i havent went to see a doctor or anything yet, despite the amount of times ive asked my parents to bring me to one. About 9 months ago, my mom did bring me to the hospital, under command for our local doctor. we were essentially there for a completely different reason, but i told my doctor how i felt and she told my mom to bring me. At the hospital, all they did was talk to me. and later on my mom told me that they said nothing was wrong with me. But thats because that was just when i started getting upset. and i wanna go back again so badly but i cant because my parents dont care enough. If i was a parent and my kid told me they were feeling any type of upset or depressed, id be heartbroken. they wouldnt have to tell me twice in order for me to get them help. i dont get why my parents wont do that. It makes me so upset and makes me feel like they dont care about me . Instead, they tell me to deal with my own problems and that they're tired of hearing me complain about it. I only complain about it because i want help. but every time i get nowhere. im trully tired of this. i need help.

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        • #5
          You're doing important things to help yourself by sharing your experience here and reaching out to your counselor! It would be helpful if your counselor understood what you're telling us here: That your parents have not followed up with a therapist and your doctor recommended that you be evaluated at a psychiatric screening center. Being honest about the symptoms and obstacles you're facing is the quickest path to the support you deserve! It sounds like there's a big culture of silence and shame in your house surrounding family issues and emotions. That doesn't mean it's normal or healthy. Your emotions are valid and understandable, and I'm sorry the people closest to you haven't honored them. You are doing an amazing job of continuing to speak up! Please remember that you are worthy of receiving help.

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