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For 15 years i've dealt with my mom verbally and physically abusing me. she'll tell me that i'll never make it to a good college. a couple hours ago, she slammed me up against a wall repeatedly after an average grade in algebra 2, and told me that she's not paying for college for me, and i'll be working as a convenience store somewhere. a couple weeks back, she choked me, and punched me in my chest and arms multiple times. i told my therapist for the first time, and she called child protective services. a lady came out, and talked to me and my mom, and i told the lady everything. she later had both of us sit down and told me that it's not illegal for my mom to put her hands on me and hurt me, and told me that i was in the wrong. my mom since then has been a lot angrier at me, and even stopped me from talking to my therapist. i have high hopes for the future, i plan to leave here and live with my dad. but my mom's told me over and over again that if i don't like the way she yells at me, or hits me, that i "should just leave and see if anyone else wants to deal with you". i don't have any family that lives in my state or town, besides my grandmother, and i don't have her number, and i don't even know if she'll let me stay with her for a few days or a week or so. with this quarantine, i don't know what to do. when i'm with my mom, i have no choice but to just shut down and deal with it, but i don't want to do that anymore, i can't wait another 3 years. i have to get out of here.
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I am sorry you are going through this. Your therapist did the right thing by contacting Child Protective Services. Your mom does not have a right to put her hands on you and treat you that way. I am not sure if you live in New Jersey but if you do and your mom does that again, you need to contact DCP&P, their number is 1-877-543-7864. They are available 24/7. You can also call the police. I understand that this is a tough time but your mom cannot treat you that way. Is it possible for you to live with your dad? Does he know what is going on with your mom? Is there anyway you can get your grandmother's phone number? I think if this continues and you need support you can always call 2ndfloor @ 888-222-2228. You can text also. Please take care of yourself and use the resources that I gave you. Good luck and please contact us for more support. -
I feel lost with myself.
throughout the years I've dealt with depression. I had a rough childhood. My parents would fight, my dad would hit my mom while pregnant, I was mentally and physically abused. For years I tried to find who I am but I come up with nothing. My family makes me feel useless, unworthy, invisible, a distraction. I'm nothing, I'm worthless. I've been bullied my whole life with my physical appearance at home and at school. I don't feel safe anywhere, I feel trapped nowhere to run. When I was younger I used to lie and steal, I lied because I wanted to show everyone around me I was fine, I stole because everyone in school made fun of the clothes I wore. My mom worked hard to get me what I need, we weren't rich but had enough to have what an average human needs. My mom went through hard times with my dad in the past. They were about to divorce but I saved their marriage, they are together now, my dad has changed a lot he is a sweet kind, honest man. My mom has changed also but she used to be like what my dad is today, she changed the way she talks and do certain things. She mentally abuses me and says "I wish you were dead" "Go kill yourself instead" "I don't know why God gave me such an idiot" "your nothing like your brother, he is a good example for you, he's younger than you!" " Just go away you disappoint me every time". I still lie to people I tell them I have a normal life and I'm extremely happy and confident. I'm not happy nor confident, I'm depressed, insecure, I also have trust issues. I don't what to feel anymore I cry myself to sleep every single day ever since I was 6. My therapist calls me every single Tuesday and asks if I had any thoughts of harm, I always respond with "nope I feel great!" I don't though. I think of disappearing from the world every single day. I don't know how to talk to someone without being awkward. I feel everyone around me is constantly judging my every move. I have horrible anxiety and I have many panic attacks. I feel hideous and fat. I eat when I feel depressed, which is all the time. I tried to stop eating that and I managed to stop it but of course, a new problem had occurred. Whenever I get mad, sad, scared I start to scratch my arms, legs, and sometimes my face very intensely. I have many scars from it. When I start scratching my whole mind goes black I see nothing but darkness in my eyes. I want help but I can't be honest with people and I'm always afraid to ask for help. I've been overwhelmed with school and my grades keep dropping. I feel like I'm going in circles and overloaded with work.
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