I need to learn how to let go of all this pain i keep inside

[Guest]

So I started watching greys anatomy lately and we all know that has a lot of death in it. So, I have been thinking a lot about death. In a few days my stepmom, my father, and my baby brother are going to Florida to see my inlaws, but then I started thinking about if I die I will die not knowing my mother. My mother was deported when I was 6 and I never saw her in person and my dad is going through a rough time trying to developing his businesses so I never got my passport. When I was younger my dad was in jail and I only had her, but that never bothered me. My mother and I had so much a common but not anymore. Anyway, I started thinking to my self if I die I will die not being able to hug my mother, kiss her, or even say good-bye. Sometimes I hate my mother because I have no else to blame for my pain and I know it's wrong, but I can't stop and let all this pain go. I don't even know how to. This may not make sense but I don't have time to make this make sense I just came on here so I can help let go of this pain. I had multiple episodes that led to me blacking out because of me being kind and just keeping everything in and not releasing it and when I explode I feel better. I just want to know how to let go of this pain can anyone help me, please.

[2NDFLOOR]

It sounds like you have definitely been through a lot and I am sorry to hear about some of your experiences growing up. Have you ever been able to talk to anyone about this? What about a counselor or therapist? The topic of death is a tricky one. It is something that many people fear and have a hard time with understanding. Obviously it is inevitable and no one escapes it. So when it comes to thinking about it and getting upset it is almost pointless because it is out of our control. However, I know it is not that easy to just not think about. Here are a few things you can try: 1. When you find that your mind is getting focused on it practice switching your focus immediately to something positive or something that makes you feel happy. Do your best to focus on that while deep breathing. Breathe in through your nose for 5 seconds and out through your mouth for 5 seconds. Do this for 1 minute total. This is a form of meditation which has been proven to calm the mind and body. 2. Try avoiding things that may be a trigger. So if Grey's Anatomy triggers your own personal thoughts, maybe take a break from it. 3. I am not sure of your religion but many people turn to this for help with death. If you would like to talk about this further you can call or text us at the 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline. We are here 24/7 at 888-222-2228. Stay positive!