I feel like a failure

[Unregistered]

I'm always getting in trouble for stupid crap I do, and I'm tired of it. I hate how my parents make me feel like absolute sh*t whenever I make a tiny mistake, while my friends parents wouldn't even care. Today's my birthday, so I had gotten a lot of text messages from relatives saying "Happy birthday! Love you." Now, I had recently gotten my phone taken away, again, for sneaking on my sisters phone to let my online friends know I'm not dead. Whenever I get in 'major' (Cursing to friends while talking is 'major' to her) trouble by my mom, she doesn't tell my dad because of the things he would do. And she f**king terrifies me, because after I get yelled at, she walks away all fine, but I feel like she's going to tell him. I'm terrified of my dad, TERRIFIED, and if I do the littlest thing, I run for my life, knowing I'm about to be hit like I've just robbed someone. But anyways, things started popping up saying someone had reset all my passwords for my ICloud login, and who other would it be than my mom. And then, later I tried logging into my twitter on my brothers phone, and it said my password was wrong, my mom had reset my twitter password as well (But she's super predictable so I figured it out) and I was really upset. She gives me these long lectures about how she was a perfect child, who learned how to cook when she was 7, and braid her hair at 9, and how she had rarely gotten in trouble. All I do is nod, and cry. She wants me to be so much like her, and I hate it. It makes me really depressed knowing I'm the kid my parents never wanted. My dad also gives me long lectures about how I get everything I want and make me seem spoiled, I'm not. I barely ask for anything because I don't wanna bother them anymore. I think about what they say and do for days, and people at school make fun of me for it. Kids at my lunch table call me "Suicidal Ciara" and it bothers me. I had told them before I had extreme sadness, but never told them why. I didn't want them to think I had any mental issue, so when they said I had depression, I went along with it, and it's only made it worse. I'm only 13.. 13 freaking years old and I've already felt like my life is spiraling down. I'm sorry for bugging you, I really just had to vent

[2NDFLOOR]

First of all, happy birthday! Second, you are not bugging us! That is what we are here for...you can vent all you want! Venting is good! Now, this sounds like a really tough situation. I'm sorry to hear that you feel that your parents are so hard on you. Unfortunately you can't change who they are. All you can do is figure out ways to cope for the next 5 years until you are 18 and can be on your own. 5 years might sound like a long time, but think of it this way- you made it through 13! I see you mention how terrified you are of your dad..."knowing you're about to be hit". I'm not sure if you are using that as an expression or if he does really hit you. If he is hurting you, please talk to your counselor at school about that immediately. Just a thought- when your mom compares her child self to you do you ever tell her that you're not her and have a conversation about that? Also, are you close with your sister?-Can you talk to her about these things for support? When your dad gives you lectures about that kind of stuff do you tell him that you care more about the way they treat you then what they can give you? That's really mean of the kids at school. I hope you stick up for yourself. Go to the counselor for this problem as well-they should be able to help you. I know you are feeling that your life is spinning out of control but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Again, I highly suggest talking to someone at school about all of this. If you would like to chat further please call or text at the 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline. We are here 24/7 at 888-222-2228. You're not a failure!-stay positive